Having People Around Who Mirror You Helps you Be Present with Yourself and Content

              We met a really nice couple yesterday that I was happy with and I felt we attracted them with our vibes being that we got along great. I was amazed at how when I saw them agreeing and in alignment with most issues at hand, and our values in life, it felt soo amazing and I felt truly mirrored for who I am. It's true that when you meet someone who does not have you trying to justify who you are, you should run to them. So therefore I enjoyed staying with them very much. It was also a feeling of being present and alive :). It was funny how they understood what we felt about the family we stayed by in that city, and TOLD us that there was something off about her.  They did not outright say she was a bad person, but that she just wasn't their speed. I felt relieved that I wasn't alone in feeling that. They told us that her and the other family we met were "intense," and it made sense to me suddenly why they acted they way they did. It was not my fault. I was relieved, because I am prone to feeling crazy when people rub me the wrong way, I take it as my problem. But these people relaxed us with their similar attitude about life, the importance of living with joy and self-growth, and having people around you who are happy and relaxed, too. They told us they usually tell people who visit to see the city if it is not for them, and they did not tell that to us. I felt welcomed by them. They understood us about wanting to get some distance from our parents, they were in the same boat and lived in the same city that we do currently and agreed that it was too "city-like," non-cohesive, and hard to feel like you belong. They said they enjoyed their city because everyone knows you there and you have a place in the community. I was thrilled, but we still have things to work out like securing a job there and finding a house to live in. Since we booked a flight back for today we did not have time to check out housing and more logistics. We may do it at another time, when we visit again or by phone. If we do visit they said they would be happy to host us. I am so happy, because I truly admire them and feel confident and comfortable around them. They see us for who we are, and I believe that comes from being authentic in who they are so that they don't need to "prove" themselves to others, and are not seeking validation from outside. I like to think we are like that too, as I told them I think it is important to first be happy with yourself and then have a community that helps you grow. They said something I found true as well: you can never truly be happy because your soul always wants to grow more, so those people who told you they are happy and healthy without being spiritual are missing something and do not realize what it is or could be like. 

              I do feel that when things are hard and challenging I am more prone to growing, and the struggle makes me feel good about myself. Even when I lose my temper in the pressure, and act wild, when it's over I feel so much more peace and can connect more. Because I feel regret and see the damage done to my loved ones when I am unhappy with them, it makes me want to fix things more and resolve not to hurt them. I was thinking how life is so precious and invaluable, that when we get angry and hurt people we love it is a shame because we lost some time of having loving relations with them. But the mess-ups can be learned from, and apologies that are sincere can make it feel more real and the other person who forgives you teaches you humility because they still believe in you, and that strengthens your love and appreciation for them. It shows unconditional love. Of course, this is only if the feeling of remorse and apologies are sincere. And improvement is shown. In the end, we chose our families so ultimately they are catered to help us grow and mirror back to us what we are. Such as yesterday my husband really got me triggered when I saw his insecurities, and did not want to admit to them and said he was confident about himself, even though to me it was so clear from his behavior that he was very unsure. He kept saying that since he is more sensory than intuitive, it made him talk more about his uncertainties about getting a job there, but I told him it was because he did not believe in his abilities and that meant he was insecure. It triggered me because I felt I was doing everything right and believed in our ability to move away and settle down, and he did not. But truly deep down his insecurity triggered me and made me not able to see him for his whole self, with good too, because I was insecure too. It was too painful for my ego-  which was feeling good about itself and felt bogged down by his actions.

              Anyway, when things go well and smooth I tend to forget my self and feel too good about where I am at. But I truly felt so free and happy with the new couple yesterday because they mirrored to me how I can feel confident and happy in myself. Having others around similar to how I want to be helps me keep up the growth, and be more relaxed and live with purpose more because I SEE who I am and don't need to escape. I noticed at a few happy moments there, where I felt at peace and fulfilled, that I was able to joke and say really silly things that made me and my husband laugh. Such as mockingly telling him that I was keeping his slippers because they told me to and I was a better caregiver than him, when I wore them to rock my daughter to sleep. He told me that my nose told him it liked me, and was beautiful because we joke how my nose is too sticking out (I say). And we went to a park in our spare time and had fun on the see-saw, and Laughed when he felt it was creepy of us to be alone in the park playing. My daughter laughed with me, and I felt a rush of gratitude for her because of how children are all emotional and know how to live presently and show us how to enjoy ourselves. I felt bad suddenly for the women I met who did not have that, and felt they had to always be busy, as they proudly talked about how they had no time for themselves because of all their obligations. I was suddenly proud of who I was in that I let myself feel content and explore my emotions. My husband and I joked that every time I or him caught ourselves acting like the grown-wounded-children adults who repressed their feelings and were oblivious to their issues, we should remind ourselves that we were being "them." It's funny but sad too, and we can only be grateful that we know better and hope to keep noticing our trauma feelings so as not to stay stuck. We will be able to be more present, non-judgmental, and authentic that way.