Mirroring Your Baby's Feelings To Calm Them, Teaches Them To Process Their Feelings

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           I was talking to two kind moms about parenting and I was surprised that they had similar views as me with being connected to your child and allowing nursing to sleep, and co-sleeping, despite how others say it's wrong. They said something profound: That an infant has a different way of processing their emotions, and we need to help them with logical understanding of them, such as saying, "Mommy sees you are upset now." They added that it helps them recognize that the emotions are temporary, because for them the emotions in the moment are all they know. It touched me and I needed it. Because when my daughter gets nervous I sometimes blame her for it, thinking she is trying to be annoying and not listen, and I don't know what to do to help. It is from my own triggers of not being able to deal with certain feelings of repression and overloads of stress and sadness. So I cannot be there for hers. But I have to realize that she just needs me to care and show that I see she is sad, and then she will be able to feel peace knowing I am with her in her feelings, and do not blame her and try to stop her from feeling them. That confuses her and makes her feel rejected.
          So I tried it last night, showing I cared and saw her. And telling her that I saw her feelings. And she calmed down and fell asleep.

               It reminds me of a post from Facebook from the Huffington Post about a child who was adopted and had RAD. Her Mom didn't know what to do with her because she was so violent at home, but appeared perfect in school. So she brought her to "birthing therapy." Where a bunch of grownups hold the child down, and make her imagine her birth and relive it, so she is "reborn" and gets over the feelings. The children fight and scream and cry to no avail. The grownups held Candace even though she screamed that she was suffocating. They yelled at her that she should die if she wanted to, each time. Seven times. And then, she finally said I'm sorry I am dying. And she did. Sadly. This ending shows how just because the mother and grownups want to "fix" the child's feelings, it cannot be helped. Because a child needs to be allowed to feel their feelings, and that is the only way to help them. By letting them be, however they are. It was normal for this girl in her situation to feel unattached, as one commentor said, she was severed from her birth Mom and would not change to become this adopter's daughter suddenly.

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