Monotonous from PTSD

          I realized we have no self esteem so it makes us feel invisible and unimportant and just not good enough. So we stay down and feel low. We don't feel our emotions because we were taught we don't matter, as ACOA's Don't Talk. Don't Think. don't feel - Special Guest Jerry Wise Relationship Expert Life Coach talks about. This is why we live so bogged down by stress, and are not happy. My birth mother also acts this way on the phone, very monotonous about things and says random advice for how I can make more money. It is like she thinks it is the only thing in life. Also, he says in ACOA's and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder -Special Guest Jerry Wise that they won't admit to the source of their problems being from their past family life, they just blame it on themselves. This is a sign of having PTSD. A lot of people in my life definitely have it because they cannot admit where their issues of anger and abandonment fears come from, they just react. Life is just living in survival mode for these people. My birth mom had mental illness that still affects her, but it seems that many in my life have mental illness of depression and are not aware of it. At least my b mom is aware of it. Although she won't ever say outright that her adoptive Mom was abusive emotionally, she has hinted at it by whispering to me that she can't be trusted. And that she did not raise her with good values. 

          It is good to realize one's emotions and then recognize what it is from. This can clear it from one's system. I know that. Today I noticed myself really depressed and kept asking myself why it was so, and tried pulling myself out. I binged a bit on stuff, and afterward snapped out of it by feeling bad for neglecting my baby by giving her to my husband who kindly was helping her sleep. I am grateful for that. But she missed me, and the trauma of seeing her in pain sent me spiraling so we went out for air. Came back in better mood.