Noticing Emotions Inside Makes us Act More Genuine on the Outside, Instead of Getting drained By others

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            It hit me why some people grow up not trusting others, even when they are acting nice. Teal Swan has mentioned this before. It's because their mothers may have acted nice but ignored their feelings and hurt them at the same time. So it was not genuine so they don't trust shows of niceness. They have been betrayed. My mom did this to me and was oblivious to why I did not see others positively. She criticized me for it but meanwhile it was on her.

            I do the same with my daughter when I don't have energy to be with her and be nice, and I feel bad so I ignore my feelings and pretend everything is fine and dandy. But I am not genuine and my voice is fake and words scripted. I catch myself and feel fake and stupid. Need to work on noticing my feelings and not feeling guilty for being down. I do it with my brother because I am used to catering to him.

           Am meeting him now and I hope to see my feelings and notice when I am getting drained. I will enjoy it more and then he will sense my genuine interest in being there, and it won't be a drag. I always used to end up feeling something was wrong with me when I felt annoyed and upset at him for talking about himself so much, but I see that it is because I resented having to negate my own needs and feelings for his ranting. Guilt made me feel bad to not be nice to him. But it helped none of us because I hated it. Giving in all the time.

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