People Just Want To Be Seen For Who They Are and Not Judged

             People like to be mirrored and not judged. When people are judged they feel unseen and unfavored, so it discourages them to be themselves. They feel wrong in being themselves. As Ralph Smart says, how to know when to drop everything for the person is when they ACCEPT you for who you are, and you don't feel you have to  explain your self constantly and prove yourself. I really love this because I always used to feel the way I was was not good for other people and I had to cater to what they needed or liked. He said in the recent video called 10 Things You Need To Stop Doing To Yourself, that we need to stop not speaking our minds. It is detrimental because there may be someone out there that needs to hear what you have to say. And it is blocking the part of you that's invisible and can only be shown if you speak. :).

           I noticed this over the weekend. I did not vibe well with the people we stayed with to check out the community in a new city, and I was so disappointed and so I kept my mouth shut. I was soo hurt and saddened by their vibe and attitude, I felt they we're hurtful to my ego. I do need more attention and seeing of who I am, and they were simple people who treated us as guests that they were catering to and did not want to get to KNOW what we were inside. It was very physical and I even got a judgmental vibe when they made a comment about how we were being cheap by taking an early flight that was inconvenient. I am extra sensitive because of how I am starting out in putting myself forward, and I need outside validation too. So I proceeded to act the way they treated us, by just coming and going without attaching to them at a deeper level. The woman got very insulted when we did not eat the food she put out for us, and I explained that I did not feel secure to eat her food. I was thinking that she was doing it for herself to feel good, and she did not see us as people with feelings, so I did not want to buy into her ignoring of our feelings. I realize this is not the nicest of me, but my ego was very wounded and I was extremely hurt. I felt by buying our own food it made us more dependant and self reliant. Anyway, when I tried to explain why we did not take food she was defensive and upset, and I felt like she did not see our side. It all started from when we walked in after having trouble finding the house and parking, and I called her flustered and confused and I heard an edge in her voice. Then when we walked in, her daughter opened the door and -listen to this- she did not even say hi or welcome. It was a good 5 seconds until I said "hi" shyly. And then she looked up and asked how are you. I said exhausted and she said oh you took the early flight because of the rate? Judgement. I bristled. And that was our first impression.

           They did not seem interested in us as people and she just wanted answers- why did you come Here, what did you expect, where did you grow up, What were your impressions. It was awkward and tense. And then she got insulted when we did not take her food. And each time we came in, there was the same Silence and thick air. My husband said he saw her as a frazzled housewife. I saw her as a cool, unemotional, perfectionist.

             She invited me to eat with a few guests and her last night, and I obliged because I was hungry and did not know when my husband would get back. I sat coolly and detached. One woman with soft eyes sat next to me, and something about her made me trust her. Her sad but sensitive eyes and quiet demeanor. She said a few things to me to open up, and seemed content. I told her a few of my impressions, and she was just quiet and thoughtful. She seemed touched by everything, and I recognized that she was an inquisitive and kind soul. I opened up to her more about my frustrations in life, and her eyes grew compassionate and teary. She kept nodding and waiting for me to finish my thoughts. My heart soared, and I told her what a difference she made. She was not projecting back to me her own interpretations of me, but was seeing me fully for what I was telling her with my words and body language. She taught me how precious it can be to fully be present and inviting to another person. I told her she would be my first friend in this place, and how nice it was talking to her. She said it at the same time back to me, and we both smiled. Sometimes, less words are needed to convey something because it is known already. More words can get in the way, and I sometimes find they are used to try to prove something that is not truly real. As I walked away, I still felt connected to her, and it was a peaceful connection and vibe. 

               I wish to be more like this woman and listen with my full attention to another. I find that the more you take in another, the more at peace you are with them. When you feel need to prove your worth to another or vice versa, it is uncomfortable and tense. I feel happy that I am ready to connect deeper with people and will only stand for those interactions. I feel the people who we feel the need to step up and prove something to are the ones who cannot see past themselves. They are in infantile states and need to be seen. It is especially sad when the person is a grown adult with children of their own, and they still need prove that they are worthy of being a person. They are needy and uncomfortable to be around, especially when you get the sense that they will do anything to please you, and they do not seem to really care about what you need. I guess I am like that, because I also sometimes take over conversations to have myself be heard even when I see others do not have my beat interests in mind. It is embarrassing for me, and draining.