Putting Yourself in Someone's Feelings Connects You with Them

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          Am mad depressed. Learned something new with my brother today. That when we get defensive about things, we are not willing to see the other person's side. For example, he feels very judged when I tell him that he and my friend would not go well together because they are not each other's type. He get's defensive when I say anything that has to do with his personality. Anyway, he went on a tirade about how rude and not socially correct it was for people to say who is each other's type or not. I got exhausted, and just said forget it and kept quiet. It is just too hard to explain things to him sometimes, because he is so defensive. If I said I didn't mean it in a bad way, he still takes it wrong. So I was forced to hear his side, and I was left feeling defensive myself that I did not mean it in a bad way, I was just being myself and seeing how two people would interact together. I ALWAYS make this kind of mistake with him, and he shames me into thinking I was ethically wrong when I meant no harm. So I was feeling extremely low and angry, seeing how he was misjudging me and would not hear my side. And we were both hurt so it was an awkward silence. I changed the subject, and he tried to casually let it go.

        It hurts me when I cannot connect with people because they judge me, and then I feel judged and have a hard time seeing their side. It hurts me when my brother get's so hurt and angry. I began to realize that there was nothing I can do about it, and I have to let go of wanting to "fix" everything and smooth it over. Sometimes, the imperfections are important to be felt, and lived with. This situation was there to teach me that when I am hurt, I do not want to see the other person's side and feel disconnected. My EGO is in the way.

          We need to drop the defenses, and realize that everyone has sorrow and pain as much as we do. It is uncomfortable, and I want to pretend that I am always caring and connected with others, but I am not, and my ego prevents me from seeing others at times because it is set on having to be perfect.

         So I realized after a while of us talking and CONNECTING over things we shared in common, such as our feelings and thoughts about others in our lives and how they affect us, that we can only truly connect to others if we see their side and their feelings. And I want to do that so desperately that I can overshare just to find something in common. But not always does so much need to be said, sometimes just some feelings are enough, and to feel validated and heard by another in my sorrow really eases the pain of isolation.


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