Feeling Discrepancy in Age

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         We don't truly grow up when we have traumas stuck in us and not seen. We may be 30 but still are 12 or 2 years old in certain ways. Such as needy for attention and love. So our egos are not fully developed to our current age. If you think about it, babies are underdeveloped in ego, meaning they don't understand certain concepts. Like the fact that mothers might be too hurt to be there for them. They just expect love and care, because they are born that way. It is a continuum concept- that babies expect to be cared for. It is natural for them to need attention, it is how they survive. They are just learning about their world, and are not understanding of there being other people with needs.

         When a person gets hurt in their undeveloped ego stage, they will subconsciously stay there despite growing physically. The soul and emotional body still needs to move forward, and it cannot if nobody acknowledges it. That is why 20 year olds can think the world still revolves around them. It's not that they are trying to be "bad" on purpose, it is that they truly need to understand what happened and what went wrong in their development. As Lisa Romano says in a Facebook post today- it's not our choice to "just Let it go!" when it comes to childhood trauma that happened so long ago, because it is still IN us. Ignoring it will only cause it to want to be seen more. 

          We have to acknowledge all that we are. Sometimes you are not where you want to be or others want you to be. Denying this only hurts yourself. Cognitive Dissonance. The child ego in us hurts when we feel bad about ourselves, but it is not something to feels shame about. It's just not having gotten your basic needs fulfilled. Time to fulfill and acknowledge them now. 

            In relationship with my husband, both of us never felt seen as children for who we were. So we kind of expect the other to keep fulfilling this need, but also get frustrated and further agitated inside when the other doesn't see us. I see when we talk to each other there is not really admiration and excitement in what the other says. It is mainly expectations of fulfilling roles to one another, but not really being interested in the sad undertones or wary replies. It is frustrating and now I know why. Because we both subconsciously don't expect to be seen. It is a chore to see each other's full pain. So we ignore it and keep expecting and keep feeling disappointed. If we fully admired and looked up to the other we'd feel more respect and wanting to help each other. This shows that we are lacking in appreciation for one another and it has to do with being stuck in undeveloped ego and age. 

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