Love That Is One Sided, And Not Overdoing It With Attention To Babies.

          Love that is codependent is not real because it is only giving when it benefits the person giving. It is not truly seeing what the other needs. Even with a parent who is giving their child attention when codependent it'll have a selfish motive and fakeness to it, where the kid will not feel like their own person. Because the mother only sees what makes her happy in the kid. It is a lonely feeling like they are detached and the kid is left to fend for himself.

            I saw this is my own life when my very loving and warm mother refused to see my pain, disqualifying it completely because she did her best raising me. She wanted me to shut myself off from my pain all because SHE did a good job for herself. When I told my aunt about it, she said I am not kidding you, "Your mother is such a special person you have to understand her and not be upset, because she's been through a very hard life." This is exactly how codependents think; that if a person does some good they can do no wrong, and we have to bend over backwards to others and not expect anything. It is an each man for himself world. And don't forget about the praising and over cooing at kids that they do. They think kids need to be applauded for every thing they do such as learning to walk and cute first sounds to attract attention. These things are normal for infants and should not be over exaggerated. It causes babies and kids to feel overly special for regular milestones, and to feel different in a bad way. They get confused about what is expected of them, and think that normal functioning is specialized. They feel something is different about them. Kids need their time to develop unashamedly, so they can join their adults towards normal functioning. If they are over-praised, they may feel too different and unconfident about their ability to be "normal." They resent the attention deep down because it makes them feel like a baby. When they want to grow up and be like everyone else.

           I despise it, and I started treating my kid like a human being that is developing. That means I don't make huge deals when she falls, or when she makes a new interesting sound. I just validate her development, and keep going. She appreciates it a lot, and gets confused when I slip into the mistake of over doing my praise or smiling at her too much when she eats something heartily. She spits or laughs nervously when it happens, and I instantly stop. I have seen how beautiful it is when we act natural, I was watching her play alone and not yapping at her every move like a parrot, and was genuinely having fun and being curious with her at how she saw things. She can play for a half hour with the same 5 things and be rapt in fascination. I am fascinated too. We also enjoyed a long walk in the breeze without saying a word for 15 minutes. It was very pleasant and peaceful. I am learning to be more authentic with my mind.