Shame IS Part of The Human Condition
Pia Melody in Self Esteem says that self esteem is an inherent sense of self- worth that we all get when we are born with all the value you need. It is either in existance or not. You can't cause it to go up or down by actions you take or things people tell you. This is so profound. She says the key to understanding it is by seeing that we are all different. This helps us see our worth, because we use it to understand who we are, instead of comparing and feeling less than or more than others. So true.
She says that Matthew Mckanne says that questioning your worth is normal, and going up and down in feeling it, but in recovery you have self-esteem more times than you don't. We realize that making mistakes does not take away our self worth as a human. she says that the thought we have is that "I matter in my humanity- as I am." The feeling we have is a warmth and swelling sensation emanating from our hearts. And the actions you take are self loving ones, such as self care.
She says that self concept, self image, egotism, and self confidence are all things separate from self esteem, and just by raising them does not raise one's self esteem if they don't have a good one. She says it's an issue of CULTURE and TRAUMA. I love this. She says that Mckanne says that each culture has different things that they find valuable, and in ours it's about doing the right thing. We are meant to be perfect people. But of course, this means a different thing to everyone else, and the pressure causes us to become allergic to ourselves because no one is perfect and we are HUMAN. Our culture does not let us be HUMAN, thought, and they expect everyone to act perfect. This is where the shaming comes in, and everyone feels bad about who they ARE.
Trauma is caused when a parent shames the child. The child attaches his self esteem to being worthless, and they feel that being human is bad. The worthlessness becomes so ingrained in their brains, that it is almost impossible to help them believe that they are worthy. Parents feel shameless, because of their own sense of humanness being bad and the need to be PERFECT, and so they radiate it outward and the child gets it.
Shame is part of the human condition, and it is a normal feeling that tells you you're human. This prevents you from feeling like a God and seeing others as Gods. It is healthy and good. When you are attacked in your shame, and made to feel WORTHLESS, it is an absolute Lie.
Everything makes sense now. This is why I feel so shameful when I make mistakes- because I was brought up to feel that anything but perfect was bad. I feel worthless if I make mistakes, I do not let myself be HUMAN.
But, as I said on FaceBook, I know that being worthy is inherent in humans because I look at my daughter and I know that she is important and lovely to me no matter what she feels or does. It is only when the parent does not feel worthy of having flaws and they feel their children cannot, either, that it causes them to feel unworthy. This is why it is so important to separate your feelings from your child, so that you will know that it comes from YOU to feel bad about doing something or feeling something "wrong," and you will not make them feel ashamed of themselves. This is why "loving limits" in Aware Parenting is vital to raising a healthy child with self worth.
She says that Matthew Mckanne says that questioning your worth is normal, and going up and down in feeling it, but in recovery you have self-esteem more times than you don't. We realize that making mistakes does not take away our self worth as a human. she says that the thought we have is that "I matter in my humanity- as I am." The feeling we have is a warmth and swelling sensation emanating from our hearts. And the actions you take are self loving ones, such as self care.
She says that self concept, self image, egotism, and self confidence are all things separate from self esteem, and just by raising them does not raise one's self esteem if they don't have a good one. She says it's an issue of CULTURE and TRAUMA. I love this. She says that Mckanne says that each culture has different things that they find valuable, and in ours it's about doing the right thing. We are meant to be perfect people. But of course, this means a different thing to everyone else, and the pressure causes us to become allergic to ourselves because no one is perfect and we are HUMAN. Our culture does not let us be HUMAN, thought, and they expect everyone to act perfect. This is where the shaming comes in, and everyone feels bad about who they ARE.
Trauma is caused when a parent shames the child. The child attaches his self esteem to being worthless, and they feel that being human is bad. The worthlessness becomes so ingrained in their brains, that it is almost impossible to help them believe that they are worthy. Parents feel shameless, because of their own sense of humanness being bad and the need to be PERFECT, and so they radiate it outward and the child gets it.
Shame is part of the human condition, and it is a normal feeling that tells you you're human. This prevents you from feeling like a God and seeing others as Gods. It is healthy and good. When you are attacked in your shame, and made to feel WORTHLESS, it is an absolute Lie.
Everything makes sense now. This is why I feel so shameful when I make mistakes- because I was brought up to feel that anything but perfect was bad. I feel worthless if I make mistakes, I do not let myself be HUMAN.
But, as I said on FaceBook, I know that being worthy is inherent in humans because I look at my daughter and I know that she is important and lovely to me no matter what she feels or does. It is only when the parent does not feel worthy of having flaws and they feel their children cannot, either, that it causes them to feel unworthy. This is why it is so important to separate your feelings from your child, so that you will know that it comes from YOU to feel bad about doing something or feeling something "wrong," and you will not make them feel ashamed of themselves. This is why "loving limits" in Aware Parenting is vital to raising a healthy child with self worth.
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