Abundance, Appreciation, and Feeling Real Are Connected.

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         It is true that when you do not have appreciation for things in your life, you cannot have abundance and will attract lack. This is because you feel you do not deserve, are not WORTHY of what you have. How did/do I experience this in my life?

         I feel unworthy of existing deep down in my subconscious. Due to having been adopted. I feel unreal. As if I am only living as a shadow, a slave, to please others. It manifests in me resenting whenever I do get something good, because it is not who I feel I am. G-d loves us all, though and He puts us on the planet to realize and accept that. This brings us greatest joy. But until you realize you are loved you will have nothing. Figuratively and physically, because spiritual and physical are always aligned. So I go about my day trying to make myself useful, but feeling worst and worst and lonelier and lonelier. More useless and unimportant. Keep having to push myself to make myself useful. 

         But it's all in my brain!!! I AM useful just by being myself. :) I have the tools right here- inside me. I am ready to give it all if anyone can appreciate or want it. 
         But alas I am invisible. I feel unheard and unseen. I just wanted my mother to love me, my creator to love me. But they didn't show it. They were hiding from me. It's up to me to realize they are there. My Mom does love me, she says it each time I call her long-distance. But she was absent all my life. She doesn't know me. She doesn't know my traits, strong and weak ones. She wasn't there to comfort and hold my hand through the bullies. Through the storm. I was all alone. But paradoxically, she loves me. She said so. She does because it wasn't her choice to lose me. Had she been able she would have been there all those times.

          G-d loves me and He has been there all those times. He was always watching, crying for me and feeling all my pain along with me. He understands my hardships and my struggles. He watches and waits for me to find Him. He feels terrible for all I go through. But He only wants me to find happiness in my hard work. To find reason and joy in the pain. Otherwise, life would be futile for me. For some reason, I have to go through this pain in order to correct myself. My soul that is shattered inside. I feel it, all the wrong I've done by betraying Him. I feel the need to pull myself together to fix the betrayal. I know now that I do love Him. I hope I will be able to make Him proud.

           I need to see how I am real, so that I can appreciate myself and love myself. This is the only way I will accept the blessing and abundance I have, the good in my life. Fill me up and then I can be full and love others too. Help them in their struggles. See their lives inside them, and not allow them to be hurt. This will make me less lonely and isolated. We all need one another, to be able to join together and make the world better. Without seeing others objectively, we can hate and destroy in cutting them off and out. The ultimate goal is to love one another.

            The more we feel real, the more we will feel that each action we do COUNTS!

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