Homecoming

-
           Hurray for John Bradshaw! I decided to listen to a playlist of him on YouTube, and it gave me inspiration and understanding. He said that when little children and infants are abused, emotionally or physically, they don't know it's abuse because it is all they experienced. They internalize the blame because they idealize their parents. in adolescence, they can see things clearer and that is why there is a lot of pain in that stage. They grow up with those same notions that they grew up believing, which is why it is so important to KNOW their childhood stories in order to understand why they think the way they do. People form their identity around how they were treated in early years, and if it is against their will, they will be people-pleasers and having a "counter-identity." Meaning they will learn that the way they are is by being quiet and invisible. This is what happened to me, and why I formed my identity around being perfect and falling to other's wills. This is why abuse is so rampant in families, because kids are so vulnerable. He said that he was a Dad that was a pleaser to his kids, but then exploded and couldn't keep it up, so abused, but then went back to being the pleasing Dad. This is familiar to me. That is what happens when you don't know who you really are.

           This is the whole thing.

           It scared me but helped me to understand what my daughter thinks. She will indeed grow up the way I see her and treat her. I am proud she still protests when upset.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Limbic Brain Flashbacks From Trauma

-
There is nothing without love. Life starts within the mother’s womb, where she and her child are one. She is all he knows, and he needs her to develop his emotional brain, until he can become an autonomous self. Therefore, why are the role of women so inferior in society? They basically make up a human’s development of skills, true self-worth (that they are loved by another person), and growth potential.  Nancy Verrier says in Coming Home to Self that the experiences we have during the first three years of life “play a big part in our overall attitudes and beliefs” (Page 382). Personally I felt beaten down a lot, in my emotional body and ability to use my strengths of giving love. I feel like a shadow of a person, in this world, my skills and worth invisible to myself and to everyone else. This has to do with my suffering from the primal wound of being relinquished from my biological mother, and then adopted when I was a few months old. Verrier states, “Severing of the bond with th
Read more

Daughter and Projection of Anxiety

-
My daughter was anxious as me when we got back. I wanted to write a whole letter to my Rabbi about the community ignorance of emotions, and she was not falling asleep. I was kind of on edge and finished it. Then she ran around the house and I made myself some food even though I snacked earlier. She started squishing the cherry tomatos, and I recognized that it was from her frustrated emotions so I said to her, "You're angry right?" And she delighted and repeated the word and squeezed some more on them with her fingers. I winced inside a bit from the waste, and tried to focus. It was good that I was trying to validate her a bit, unlike how I was never validated at all for my grief as a baby. But it was hard because I was stressed. Needed time to myself and yet she needed my attention... And I felt a spiral coming. I desperately tried to hold on to myself and her. My mind was telling me that she was needy and that I was doing a bad job. But my heart was screaming for focus
Read more

Who Are Adopted Children Really

-
          Is it any wonder that the adopted child feels so unreal. Journey of The Adopted Self by Betty Jean Lifton inspired me to think about this. Reading the first few chapters and so excited with it. It speaks to my soul and resonates, being truth to me. She said that no one romanticizes mothers more than adoptees. As a blind person who tries to imagine how the sun looks upon a flower, the adopted child never experienced their mother, so there is plenty to imagine in their minds what it means. True, and why I have a hard time understanding the concept of true belonging.        As my older also adopted sister told me, why am I sad about adoption? I should just be happy and apply the knowledge that it was for my good, and a wonderful thing that I was adopted because   she my birth mother could not take care of me properly for her life. She expected me to just not feel sad about that and deny all the pain and feelings of non-belonging and yearning for a place in the world all of
Read more