Oh boy My Daughter

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It's a sudden unexpected terror or change that causes trauma. Is my daughter living in trauma state of mind? Because of her birth experience of trauma and being forced out with my fear, apprehension and pain? The way I felt it was beyond my choice and control? The way I felt out of control because of her? Or what about her personality? Didn't she kick very toughly all throughout the pregnancy? Wasn't she a stressed little fetus? Or what about the screaming and crying in the car with my fight with my husband that late summer vacation? And the other countless times that I felt I was going to die from emotional pain? And the running from job to job, trying to find my footing? And the mistrust and hatred spewing from all the people who made me feel like a little kid and garbage? When did the unexpected trauma occur? Or was it all expected? Like a frog in a intensifying hot beaker? Oh boy oh boy oh boy how are we going to fix it? My poor child. I only wish you knew more beauty and love. I keep thinking that maybe my awareness of myself will help her feel less afraid to explore her own pain and trauma. But I don't know. If she will ever be okay. I need help.

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