Sacrifices Are The Bread Of Life
I noticed many things about life. The sacrifices we make are what makes life feel interesting. For myself, I feel bored a lot with the routine, and need stimulating topics and things to think about. So when I found myself in a boring spot where I could not get out and do what I pleased, I felt stifled. I thought about how boring life was, and how all there was to interest me was food. But this is not the true reality of my life. It is the growth that excites me most in life. And even those stiff moments of seemingly pointlessness are important in their own way, I just have to find the beauty of them. Just because they are not stimulating momentarily, it does not mean that I cannot find enjoyment in them in some way.
So I thought about how nice it was to be spending time with my daughter and husband, and that I should appreciate these moments more. Because I honestly do not know how much more I will have of them. We sometimes take for granted what we have easily, and do not stop to enjoy them until they are in the past. I was also thinking of what it was that caused me to feel so bored in the presence of my loved ones, and I realized it was a lack of appreciation for having them. I sometimes have flat emotions and that comes from unacknowledged grief, and it causes me to live in the past of feeling loss of connection from people, and the ones I loved and needed most who weren't there. So I behave as if this is still current, even though I Do have family now who love me for who I am and need me. It is sad how I blank-out on them and fail to recognize their importance, and mine to them. I hope to be able to be more conscious of it in the future. I am just grateful that my husband stays with me despite my quirks and depressive states. He told me that he admires and loves me for my willingness to grow, and share what I learn with him and see through other people. I am trying to believe it about myself, and that it makes me lovable. I personally love him for his steadiness and loyalty to me. I know that without him I would feel great lack.
So I was thinking that when we grow, we are slowly making sacrifices of who we are, changing one by one the negative aspects that we are stuck in. We are trying to become better people, and trying to discern what we want to be like and what we are. I read somewhere that the main thing we want in life is to be inspired in the place between who we are to who we want to be. These sacrifices make life interesting, and without them there would be no point. This is what life is about, and no matter how much we get sidetracked by pleasure and desires, it will still come to kick us in our darkest hours. That we have more work to do, that not all is as glorious as we desire. There is no point in ignoring it, just to do our bests to focus on what we need to change and run with it!
It kicks me that some people think religion is just a comfort, and not really moving much because of the "belief" that all is well. It is the opposite of the truth, because in knowing there is a G-d it brings responsibility. If one IS denying that there is work to do in life, then they are living blind and not really truly believing in G-d. Because as much as G-d loves everyone, He still expects something from us. We are not to be here sitting idly and enjoying all that life has to offer. Because anyone with a brain can see that life is not that enjoyable if you consider all the hardships that we go through within it, mainly the process of being born and then dying some 75 years later. I think that anyone can become stuck in living life through trauma vortex and "survival" mode, so called religious or not. It's the getting up and staying steady in the long, drawn-out process that counts. Because then you can say you are still loyal to a mission in this life. We all have ups and downs in relationship, seeing their beauty and times where we take it for granted. As long as you come back, and rethink your laxity in it, you will be accepted again.
I was telling this to myself, that although my daughter may have felt ignored by me once today, this does not mean she would want me to leave and get a new mother. She would still want me to be there for her, whenever it is that I can. She is not only out for perfection, she wants my love more than anything. And I am a separate being that can only do what I can, as much as I do love her. So I came back to her with the love I still had inside that I needed to find, and our love was just as strong as before.
So I thought about how nice it was to be spending time with my daughter and husband, and that I should appreciate these moments more. Because I honestly do not know how much more I will have of them. We sometimes take for granted what we have easily, and do not stop to enjoy them until they are in the past. I was also thinking of what it was that caused me to feel so bored in the presence of my loved ones, and I realized it was a lack of appreciation for having them. I sometimes have flat emotions and that comes from unacknowledged grief, and it causes me to live in the past of feeling loss of connection from people, and the ones I loved and needed most who weren't there. So I behave as if this is still current, even though I Do have family now who love me for who I am and need me. It is sad how I blank-out on them and fail to recognize their importance, and mine to them. I hope to be able to be more conscious of it in the future. I am just grateful that my husband stays with me despite my quirks and depressive states. He told me that he admires and loves me for my willingness to grow, and share what I learn with him and see through other people. I am trying to believe it about myself, and that it makes me lovable. I personally love him for his steadiness and loyalty to me. I know that without him I would feel great lack.
So I was thinking that when we grow, we are slowly making sacrifices of who we are, changing one by one the negative aspects that we are stuck in. We are trying to become better people, and trying to discern what we want to be like and what we are. I read somewhere that the main thing we want in life is to be inspired in the place between who we are to who we want to be. These sacrifices make life interesting, and without them there would be no point. This is what life is about, and no matter how much we get sidetracked by pleasure and desires, it will still come to kick us in our darkest hours. That we have more work to do, that not all is as glorious as we desire. There is no point in ignoring it, just to do our bests to focus on what we need to change and run with it!
It kicks me that some people think religion is just a comfort, and not really moving much because of the "belief" that all is well. It is the opposite of the truth, because in knowing there is a G-d it brings responsibility. If one IS denying that there is work to do in life, then they are living blind and not really truly believing in G-d. Because as much as G-d loves everyone, He still expects something from us. We are not to be here sitting idly and enjoying all that life has to offer. Because anyone with a brain can see that life is not that enjoyable if you consider all the hardships that we go through within it, mainly the process of being born and then dying some 75 years later. I think that anyone can become stuck in living life through trauma vortex and "survival" mode, so called religious or not. It's the getting up and staying steady in the long, drawn-out process that counts. Because then you can say you are still loyal to a mission in this life. We all have ups and downs in relationship, seeing their beauty and times where we take it for granted. As long as you come back, and rethink your laxity in it, you will be accepted again.
I was telling this to myself, that although my daughter may have felt ignored by me once today, this does not mean she would want me to leave and get a new mother. She would still want me to be there for her, whenever it is that I can. She is not only out for perfection, she wants my love more than anything. And I am a separate being that can only do what I can, as much as I do love her. So I came back to her with the love I still had inside that I needed to find, and our love was just as strong as before.
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