Abuse Is Not Normal

           There are two types of ego: the one that gives you a healthy sense of self and get's abused when others overstep its boundary, which is good, and then there is ante spiritual, fear based ego. I read this in the comments of John Bradshaw's Codependency Part 3 video. I realized that if you are violated as a child in your ego stage, you will constantly search for others to fix it, like a raw, gaping open wound, until you realize you do that for yourself and protect yourself.

         This is what happened to my father-in-law, and he expects his kids to fix him. He says that he "gave me my space," as if it was a huge favor of him. Not realizing that each person is an individual and deserves space, even if they are not asking you t leave or leaving you.

           I see this so clearly that children can be violated in their boundaries, because of their innocence. Bradshaw says in John Bradshaw The Persecuted Family that it is a norm to abuse our children, because instilling fear in them is acceptable and people use this as an excuse to control their childen and relish in the abuse. They are only inflicting what they endured themselves as children, and it is a way to "get revenge" for their mistreatment. Thank G-d I am learning about what I went through that it was not okay, and I have no desire to "rule" over my baby and "teach her a lesson" based on the way I was treated. I can separate my experience and know that I deserved and she deserves better.