Being Reflected In Others Is Important
I just need to establish my feeling real. Everything else seems there for me, waiting. I keep being given amazing things and messages that are sparking up my soul. I want to hold onto them, tangibly, before they slip...
So last night we went to the lecture, and it was amazing and reestablished my firm belief that unless we help save others and show we care, we are not changing for the better. Community is what's most important. All the other good things you do do not make you great, unless you include others in your life and see past your ego. He was funny and real, and I enjoyed every word that came out of his mouth. He also said that the behavior of a person can truly tell if they are a good soul or not, regardless of what they "say." Sadly, my daughter was overtired and stressed there so I felt I had to leave early and did not get to speak to him personally.
We got home, and she was not in sleep mode and I got stressed. I was overthinking things and worried that I was not good enough. I snapped at my husband when he seemed to be judging me for not putting her to sleep because she was "tired." I said she was not in sleep mode, and I really secretly wanted to bake to clear my thoughts. He stayed up watching, and at 1 I told him to go to sleep and I would take care of everything because he had a busy day in the morning. I really wanted her asleep by 12 because of our appointment at 11 am the next morning, but it was not meant to be, I made a delicious cake that only had half the unhealthy sugar because I did not have enough raw sugar, and it came out great. I was so proud. Then I made coconut flaked muffins for breakfast for my husband to enjoy. She fell asleep right after.
I woke her up at 10:38 to scramble into clothes and leave the house for the appointment. She was bleary-eyed and still wanted to sleep. I flusteredly explained that to the therapist. She made us feel comfortable by putting pillows and stuffed bears on the floor for my daughter, who got calm at that. Then, I launched into my birth story with her. I noticed my insecurities with talking about myself, and the way she took that. I noted her apprehension. I realized I and her were equally human, and that was okay. She gave good feedback saying she understood it was a journey. She said we looked great and bonded well together, and my daughter looked well adjusted. I thanked her. She also said my daughter looked like a social person, with a sense of humor. I appreciated that, and mentioned that my husband and I liked to be silly sometimes. She loved that. We spoke about childhood trauma and how it affects people, and she said sometimes our negativity from how we grew up causes us to further develop negative energy and worsen our life. I told her I felt it is important to pay attention to our feelings and not resist them, because then we project it on our kids. We were in agreement with a lot of things. She said I seemed very strong in knowing myself, and that I can go in the way I want. She said my daughter seems to want me to go out more and be with friends. I said how I did not feel comfortable around a lot of people because they were shallow. I said it was just because I did not feel comfortable being seen. She said we have to find our people, and sharing our story is helpful and gives to them, it can spark a feeling of comfort knowing that they are not alone. I agreed. She said it resonated with her when I said I did not want to be around my adoptive sister because I did not feel ready to handle her negativity because of where I was at. She said it is important to give to ourselves sometimes, and that may mean to stay away to strengthen us. She have an example with her own life, and I was fascinated and saddened by how her late brother had adopted two children because of infertility, and after his split with his wife he died, and then she died, and then her family was making a memorial for her memory, but she did not feel like attending because of her own discomfort there. Interesting how adoption always comes up. She was fascinated by my meeting my birth parents, and said it was a good thing for my identity. She said I should look into getting something interesting for my daughter to watch, like an aquarium for the house, because she'd like that. I said perhaps, but we are currently living in very meager conditions. We plan to move. She said wherever you go, you will take yourselves with you, unhealthy people are everywhere. I agreed. She said she sees me being able to find myself because that is what I am looking for. It was pleasant and eye-opening. I liked how she reflected me, and showed me a part of myself that I was unaware of consciously. My strength and love. She said we are constantly growing and getting new revelations, subconsciously and not. Based on what we've been through. She said soon I will be able to connect my body and self to live harmoniously.
Boy, I am happy and overwhelmed. There was a lot of truth to her words. Now we need action.
So last night we went to the lecture, and it was amazing and reestablished my firm belief that unless we help save others and show we care, we are not changing for the better. Community is what's most important. All the other good things you do do not make you great, unless you include others in your life and see past your ego. He was funny and real, and I enjoyed every word that came out of his mouth. He also said that the behavior of a person can truly tell if they are a good soul or not, regardless of what they "say." Sadly, my daughter was overtired and stressed there so I felt I had to leave early and did not get to speak to him personally.
We got home, and she was not in sleep mode and I got stressed. I was overthinking things and worried that I was not good enough. I snapped at my husband when he seemed to be judging me for not putting her to sleep because she was "tired." I said she was not in sleep mode, and I really secretly wanted to bake to clear my thoughts. He stayed up watching, and at 1 I told him to go to sleep and I would take care of everything because he had a busy day in the morning. I really wanted her asleep by 12 because of our appointment at 11 am the next morning, but it was not meant to be, I made a delicious cake that only had half the unhealthy sugar because I did not have enough raw sugar, and it came out great. I was so proud. Then I made coconut flaked muffins for breakfast for my husband to enjoy. She fell asleep right after.
I woke her up at 10:38 to scramble into clothes and leave the house for the appointment. She was bleary-eyed and still wanted to sleep. I flusteredly explained that to the therapist. She made us feel comfortable by putting pillows and stuffed bears on the floor for my daughter, who got calm at that. Then, I launched into my birth story with her. I noticed my insecurities with talking about myself, and the way she took that. I noted her apprehension. I realized I and her were equally human, and that was okay. She gave good feedback saying she understood it was a journey. She said we looked great and bonded well together, and my daughter looked well adjusted. I thanked her. She also said my daughter looked like a social person, with a sense of humor. I appreciated that, and mentioned that my husband and I liked to be silly sometimes. She loved that. We spoke about childhood trauma and how it affects people, and she said sometimes our negativity from how we grew up causes us to further develop negative energy and worsen our life. I told her I felt it is important to pay attention to our feelings and not resist them, because then we project it on our kids. We were in agreement with a lot of things. She said I seemed very strong in knowing myself, and that I can go in the way I want. She said my daughter seems to want me to go out more and be with friends. I said how I did not feel comfortable around a lot of people because they were shallow. I said it was just because I did not feel comfortable being seen. She said we have to find our people, and sharing our story is helpful and gives to them, it can spark a feeling of comfort knowing that they are not alone. I agreed. She said it resonated with her when I said I did not want to be around my adoptive sister because I did not feel ready to handle her negativity because of where I was at. She said it is important to give to ourselves sometimes, and that may mean to stay away to strengthen us. She have an example with her own life, and I was fascinated and saddened by how her late brother had adopted two children because of infertility, and after his split with his wife he died, and then she died, and then her family was making a memorial for her memory, but she did not feel like attending because of her own discomfort there. Interesting how adoption always comes up. She was fascinated by my meeting my birth parents, and said it was a good thing for my identity. She said I should look into getting something interesting for my daughter to watch, like an aquarium for the house, because she'd like that. I said perhaps, but we are currently living in very meager conditions. We plan to move. She said wherever you go, you will take yourselves with you, unhealthy people are everywhere. I agreed. She said she sees me being able to find myself because that is what I am looking for. It was pleasant and eye-opening. I liked how she reflected me, and showed me a part of myself that I was unaware of consciously. My strength and love. She said we are constantly growing and getting new revelations, subconsciously and not. Based on what we've been through. She said soon I will be able to connect my body and self to live harmoniously.
Boy, I am happy and overwhelmed. There was a lot of truth to her words. Now we need action.
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