Extremes/ Stereotypes Are Harmful

           It's not good to see yourself in any extreme stereotype. Such as thinking you have to be perfect, because then if you do something wrong then you do not know how to handle it and your whole sense of worth goes down. Or if you see yourself as a rebel you will never be able to let yourself be another way. Extremes come from shame in childhood, as John Bradshaw says, and when your parent caused you to have to fit into a role in order to fit into the family system. He says that when a mother disowns her sexuality, making it "wrong" to have, her child may subconsciously have to act it out because she feels shame in it and feels guilty all because of her mother for having those feelings.

         Pia Melody says in The Intimacy Factor that she sees the whole goal of relationships as to come to the middle of one's extreme self beliefs and be able to balance it out. She says there is a inner listening ability, and that when you go back into your triggers from the hurt as a child or baby, you have the ability to work on your issues inside. A proper boundary is when you can do this, and not let it all out for the world to see when you are triggered. Not being an emotional mess, that is not able to have a normal conversation with someone. This is a big problem I have, spewing my emotions. Not having good boundaries.

           I have to work on dealing with my emotions myself. I let them out too much, and my daughter sees them. It is an overstepping in boundaries when I show my sadness and pain and do not control it, and become helpless. Melody says that the child picks up on the negative emotions that the parent is not owning, and takes it in himself. This is probably why my daughter is so antsy and sad sometimes. Like when I ignored her this morning and she was crying sadly a few times, I saw her pain and wished I could help her feel better. But she got it from me, so it hurts me to face.

          I am working on integrating my emotions into myself, and not only seeing one side of me while ignoring others. I am not perfect. I am not always happy. It is hard to go into the pain and accept it because I dissociated from my pain as a child, and now I do that in painful moments.