Forgiving Others So You Can Be Forgiven

         It is very important to let go of grudges against a person, and understand their perspective. That way G-d will forgive you for your mistakes against Him, and we all know we have them. Some of the things we do wrong are not in our control to avoid, and some we are aware of and could have prevented. That is why it is important to know yourself. And it is important to know others, and understand where their limits are so that you do not judge them when they do things that hurt you. If they truly can't help hurting you, you may want to put an extra boundary to prevent it from happening again. But understanding their side will help you be able to forgive them once you put a stop to it from reoccurring. We do not want to hold any anger and blame towards others, because then we are judging them and not accepting that they have deficiencies, just as we do, and G-d will not be able to forgive ours. It all starts from us- when we do not own up to having flaws, we won't forgive others for having them. And thereby G-d won't forgive us for our very own inability to judge others favorably.

         If the person apologizes, you have to take time to truly forgive them, to protect your own boundary from being crossed. Rinda says on Family Tree Brand Life Coaches, Boundaries - The Gate To Emotional Health... That if someone hurts you and causes your reptilian brain to act up, you have to set a boundary and back away until you are ready to be logical and objective. I find this so relevant in my life, and that things would be a lot calmer if I learned not to react. Like when my brother and I got into a steamy argument today, and I felt dismissed and disrespected, I was still trying to hear his side but enforce my own feelings and he said goodbye without resolving it. I felt angered, and thought about it and realized we were both too sensitive about the issue. It was about how he called our birth mother unclean and disgusting, and he felt he had the right to say it because he was disgusted and hurt by her unclean, overstepping of his boundaries by doing something socially unacceptable and showing him someone's set of false teeth in a cup of water. I felt it was unfair of him to make her look disgusting to me by reminding me about it. He said it was true to him, and I said it was hurtful and insensitive to me because it made her seem bad. He was angry that I told him that he was insensitive, because he did nothing wrong by sharing "his opinion." I said that to say it to me was not what I wanted to hear. He said I should have said it right then instead of this morning, and I said I did not think of it then (because I am used to letting his feelings take precedence over mine), and he said Goodbye. I am feeling very triggered and upset. 

         If only we all saw others' feelings and reasons for actions, the world would be kinder.