Inner Fragmentation Acknowledgement

         Abby Miller said something in Old Souls and Fragmentation that really resonated. She said if we want our vulnerabilities and pain to end, that means we haven't finished with it yet. We haven't done the work. This is so true currently in my life. Every time I am faced with overwhelming struggles and pain, such as dealing with my daughter, and having to go through difficult situations such as being with irritating and hurtful strangers and ignorance of my feelings from the outer world. It means I have not dealt with it inside, and it is reflecting my inner fragmentation.

        Just the other week, I thought I'd be brave and post a vulnerable thing about adoption feeling in a group of adoptee families in Facebook, and boy did I receive a stinging backlash. This woman was degrading and calling me pathetic and not seeing the world as vast and being stuck in my own corner, and I was so set on fire. I realized that people were so cruel. One woman applauded me and shut down this other narcissistic woman, who had a perfect answer to prove her "rights" to put me down, saying that not all adoptions cause unbearable pain like I claimed, and that there is no research yet that proves open adoptions are better to lessen the trauma. I told her I was fed up with her, when she continued to argue. I was really shut down for a while, the pain lingering from being misunderstood. The other two women backed me up and told me I had a right to my feelings, and that many adoptive Mothers do not feel ready to hear it, but they should know it and it may help them that I spoke up. I took their replies as hugs, and stopped answering on the chat. One asked me if I don't mind sharing what made me post this now, and how far along I am on my grief-work. I said I noticed it was not a safe space after all and would not be sharing my feelings. That narcissistic lady said how adoption is the best solution in many cases, as she has seen being a foster parent. Well, I feel bad for her kids because I never saw a kind person shoot someone down the way she shot me.

          I feel that by doing my work, my daughter will feel it even though there are plenty of downs. I must keep reminding myself that honesty is the best policy, and not to white-wash the reality, as Abby says. In the end, the vulnerable and broken are the strongest ones. I saw this with my birth father, he is very vulnerable and unsure of himself, and this makes him a beautiful man who has a lot to offer because he truly cares about the next person,