Our Outer State Comes From Inner State

       It's true. Every feeling we experience from our outer life is really a reflection of our inner state of being. When I am on highs, I believe in everyone and everything, seeing magic in my world. I have a good time and know how to be present with people. I point of advice and joke and laugh about things. My daughter and I play and I see her adorable ways of being and feel a rush of gratitude and affection. Such as from the way she shouts and talks cutely, hides things under the cushion and places things on the bed ledge as if it is her reserved place, has a funny way of grabbing things and swiping at me when she is angry with me. But then when I am feeling low energy, nothing can make me happy, no fun trips and no important, long-awaited events that come up. My husband further annoys me by any behavior that exhibits negativity, and my daughter seems to be a handful and constant nuisance. I can never gain grounding, and life feels like a sliding slope. It all reflects my feeling of inner-failure, and not doing enough. It comes whenever I am not in alignment with my true self and purpose. I hate it, and it's a reason why I tell my husband I need more time without him to find myself. I am an introvert and need to recharge myself to remember who I am. It does not always help being alone, though, it has to come from self-check-in. With what I feel and what I want in life. Then, I feel better about myself and do not fall for my old self-criticism and trauma feelings. The way I used to see myself constantly.