The Pain Is There And Needs To Be Seen

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          Stereotypes cause people to not be validated sometimes. People tend to think white people that are good looking and talented do not have struggles. That is why people who know me do not want to believe that adoption caused me trauma. They think because I am talented and good looking and like to dress up, I must be happy and am ungrateful by being sad or depressed. They think because everything looks good on the outside, you cannot have any confusion and pain inside. This messed me up in life, in high school and beyond. I always felt I had to be more successful and happy. I pressured myself along with the rest. I cannot see things in reality, that I am upset about my life, because on the outside it seems so good and normal. I need to start seeing reality and letting my pain exist. That is the only way I can ever be happy.

          I also tend to feel like I need a sign that things are going to be okay. That I am important, and my pain matters. I do not feel real until I acknowledge through seeing proof of my suffering. So when I see that I am depressed and feel really low inside, I can start to change it.

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