Children Need To Be Seen And Heard

         
              I realized something vital from listening to Ross Rosenberg and Jonice Webb,
Running on Empty / Human Magnet Syndrome. Different But The Same. Rosenberg & Webb. They spoke about their differences on the same topic, and that they had the same core teachings, that children who grow up ignored and their emotions minimized end up feeling invisible and then attract partners who are very large on taking up space. And then they wonder why they are always stepped over by others, but it is because they do it to themselves by being very "small." They are responsible for seeing what happened to them so that they can heal, as Rosenberg said, you can not heal by telling yourself or a therapist telling you what actions you need to take. Therapists need to be exploring more what happened in childhood to make you that way in order to help. I was thinking about it, and how my daughter is truly so fragile because she has no concrete sense of who she is yet, and is very vulnerable. My seeing her or not can make or break her. It is difficult to imagine, but true. I think subconsciously this is why people are afraid of interacting with children, because they know that they are innocent and fresh. They have no ego defenses yet, and so some people who are very tied up into manipulating others, such as grown wounded children, do not know how to give naturally and nurture the child. They only know how to take, and try to gain other's affection. It is difficult, therefore, for them to interact with a child, who does not understand good and bad, and is open and curious about everything. They feel the child is weak and worthless to them because they cannot discern whether the person is great or not, as they see everyone as equals.
           If only we all were like that, nonjudgmental and seeing ourselves for as we are, and that is human and fragile. We cannot rule over each other, we have to be curious and open to others. I always admired how children and people who are not wounded on the extreme level I am can just sit back and relax, living in the present without expectations or fronts. I used to have my mind racing on how to be accepted by others, what I needed to do to fit. Living in the present provides that we know who we are, and that we are loved as the person we are. So many shames about who we were as kids made us hate our very selves and run from being ourselves. At the end of the day, that is all we really have and we need to accept it and stop running. Then, we can find true peace and happiness.

           In conversations with others, I try to see them more and it makes life all the more appealing because I am connecting with others. I do not feel selfish anymore for wanting to be seen too. I still do not feel comfortable enough to be out in the public eye often, because people can be brutal and manipulative to a point where they do not see me at all and I am very sensitive and get hurt easily. I protect my heart and do not share my soul with everyone, lest they make me feel unworthy or stupid. My husband and I have been making progress on paying attention to each other's inner states, and of course our own so that we do not hurt each other by minimizing the other's feelings. It is hard for us because of the CPTSD.