Emotional Dysmorphia From Narcissism

          Listening to The Narcissistic Resistance, Emotional Dysmorphia From Narcissistic Abuse, I realized what was wrong with my family. I spoke to my brother today, and there was a lot of awkward pauses where we did not trust each other. We learned to pretend to show positive emotions, but never to trust the,. To us, emotional speech was always faked and meant that someone wanted something. Ollie said this is when we are abused and do not feel our emotions and see ourselves differently than reality when we look in the mirror or our emotions. I also never trusted compliments and always saw myself as not pretty, when it was clear from most others who said that I am pretty that I am. Also, I never trust my emotions to be real either, and used to take other's opinion of how I feel as more truthful than my own feeling. It caused me a lot of stress in family gatherings, when I was expected to always be happy when I always felt something was wrong. My sister used to ignore me, but always when I left gave me a peck on the cheek which sealed it in my mind that I was crazy and that she DID love me. But she ignored and snapped at me all throughout the visit though.

         My mother always makes a huge deal like she is so happy to see people she knows when ever she sees them. She does that to me, and when I don't respond back with enthuiasm she gets all flustered and anxious, and expresses annoyance at me that I'm "unhappy." If you'd ever see my cousins and say you are unhappy, they would think you are retarded and treat you like a pity case and talk about you behind your back. I've seen it happen, that whenever someone did not seem to have friends, they put them down like crazy and spoke so badly about them.