Find Light In Dark Situations, and Knowing Yourself Is Key

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          Call out to G-d when you're in a tough place, say you don't understand why and want to see the light. How is this good for me. Lots of times I see it good after it's over, such as after a hard day I see that it made me happier to have a good day the next day. Need to have hard times to see where I need to grow.

          One thing I realized this morning is that all the dark situations I was in made me who I am, and I do not regret going through them now. With knowledge for why I am the way I am I can make peace with myself, and accept all my weaknesses. I see how adoption affected me in not being able to trust others, and made me hard on myself and never feel good enough. Once I woke up to this program that I have been living in, day in and day out, I realized that I can stop. Life is not meant to live so suffer-ably (If that's a word)/ miserably. We can only grow if we are happy with ourselves. So I am trying to find my self-love, and embrace myself. That is the only way I will be able to grow, because the self-abuse has to stop. It is not reality, I am not a terrible person just because I have a hard time doing what's right. It has reason for it, and it stems from CPTSD from my being adopted and relinquished as a baby. Once I know this, I can be easier on myself.

           Being judgmental with others comes from our own lack of self-esteem. Lisa Romano says that codependents are toxic-ally (again, not a word but whatever) judgmental, and it is because they do not feel their own worth. When you are raised in a strict, punishing household that has no room for acceptance, LOVE and BOND, you see others in the same way you see yourself. As someone who must work hard to earn a place in the world. Truly, we are all worthy and loved because we are human. This is the first step of development that a child needs to grow, and if they do not get it they will struggle for it all their lives. So take it, you are worthy and loved just by being yourself, flawed and all. As long as you want to be good. 

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