Heart, Body, and Mind Interconnectedness

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          Teal Swan spoke about something I loved in her video this week. The mind, heart and body being all important to one's living fully. She said that when we ignore one of them, we feel we are in hell. It is so true, and so many different avenues in life exemplify one aspect and nullify the other in turn. Such as, intellectual says to put the logic over your heart, and this can cause a person to ignore their feelings. Or spirituality says to listen to your mind and not follow your body, and this can make a person think they must deprive themselves of physical care-taking. And last, some say to listen to your heart and ignore the logic, and it can make people ignore the logical point that something is really not right for them and it can get them into dangerous situations.

       I have always known this, but fragmentation has made me fall into this trap. I ignored my feelings because of spiritual teachings and felt a part of me cut off and I became confused as to what was wrong. I wanted to be there for my body and care for myself, but heard the voice of my mind screaming that I was ignoring it too much. I have a constant push and pull of all of these aspects, and have a very hard time integrating it into my life. I guess I am very fragmented because of my unacceptance of myself due to trauma. For example, I was cut off from being happy with my body because of shame in childhood over objectifying myself, and so I felt I was bad if I was enjoying anything. I pushed myself to grow up and had shame around having fun. So now, when I want to, I feel flooded with shame and guilt so I cannot stay present in my body.

        Another thing, I don't trust my intuition and heart to be correct in telling me what I desire, so I listen to logic way too much sometimes in my choices. It makes me neglect my heart and desires and then wonder why I don't feel good when I'm doing the right thing. A lot of times I ignore my feelings about a person and think they are good, but then have a feeling in me that my personal boundaries have been crossed. This is what codependents do a lot. They do not trust themselves, and cause narcissistic people to be able to take advantage of them because they do not stick up for themselves. When I listen to my intuition, I can protect my boundaries and stay away from people who do not and WILL not see me when I need them to. And I am very needy in this, because I am fragile due to my abusive upbringing. Only I can protect me, and I cannot expect others to know how I am feeling without showing it myself. Or walking away if I need to. It IS okay to walk away when you are uncomfortable, as Ralph Smart says in How To Shield Your Energy, Protect Your Vibe, and Cleanse Your Aura- you can say no with a smile on your face if the plans are not what you want. That makes me happy to know. We need to raise our children to trust their intuition and selves as well, by giving them freedom and not "controlling" them to behave how WE find fit. Especially because it is confusing and not helpful in teaching them about how life is beautiful and open to them. This is why I believe so much in child-centered rearing. 

          When I listen to my heart and run off in the sunset, singing and dancing and buying things I enjoy, my logic goes off and I start berating myself for not being productive and spending too much time on frivolity. I second guess myself because my logic tells me it is not worth my time to do something I find fun. It is sad and causes me to fall into depression. 

        It's a hard life to live, so fragmented. As Ollie Mathews says, when you are no contact with the narcissists you begin to see that life is really not so "hard" because you find out how YOU want to live. I am getting there, putting myself more in my decisions. Trauma makes me slip. Love the whole self. 

        
        

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