Loving Myself

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        I called my birth mother today after a stressed quick put together supper. I needed reassurance. She barely came through. She asked one question about my life, I asked her 2. She told me she bought my daughter clothes, asked when I am coming to town. Then she did her usual quick goodbye. I hung up and didn't expect the rush of sadness that came over me. I felt that nobody loved me. My husband had also seemed to ignore my feelings when he was preoccupied on his phone and answered me absentmindedly. I screamed at him, in pain. I reminded myself that I can only feel hurt by others if I am hurt inside. So I went in and cried to myself. I let the pain roll over me. Then I decided to cheer myself up because I was proud of the work I had done. Loving myself was hard. I did not have to stay in pain when it did me no good. So I dragged my family out and focused on bringing myself happiness. I did not allow judgment of myself to sink in, as I got myself my favorite healthy food. The night was easier for me than usual and I got a business call. 

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