The Great Soul Sleep- Souls Are All Connected

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       Sometimes things happen that jolt you out of a sleep. I was so depressed and disorganized these past few days. What's the point of it all, when there's no one around to validate you. They think you're all crazy and strange. For separating yourself. If you are not with them at all, who are you really? Is it worth it? Will you succeed? Is there a point at all? At low times, feeling like it's useless really hits strong. You feel like an abandoner, but at the same time abandoned yourself. But I realized that all along they were abandoning who I was inside, and to know myself finally I need to step away from them. And I feel good better than I ever felt. Because I am following my soul. Helping it grow step by step. Nothing is more joyous in life than working hard and feeling the results. Like when I walk down the street feeling like a pariah, and then Looking down at my daughter and sharing a secret loving smile that holds all of our love together and the tight bond that I have never felt with anyone before. And I know this is real. The struggle makes me see that it's growth and worth it. I am not losing my identity, I am changing to become who I always was. The person I was meant to be be down here.

      It feels like hell because it is. It's hard to seem like you are fine when you are not, because it hurts like hell to know that nobody cares about YOU. And nobody VALIDATES you. I am going through a lot. And I validate it for myself, so that I don't need to make my life harder. It is what it is. I have to stop feeling guilty for being miserable, because I am validating that I am. Guilt would take me back to taking our families' abuse, by being with them while they wreak havoc on our souls. Stepping on out innocent inner children who just NEED sensitivity and comfort. 

          Everything in life happens for us to analyze and learn from. The tragedy happened in my community just like it did 2 years ago. I was in a much worst place then, and took all the guilt for thinking that I caused the innocent people to die by not letting my own soul live. I heard it happened today, and remembered how yesterday I was feeling so low and an urging to work on myself. I now understand why - because my soul felt what had happened. I feel more relief than the last time it happened, because I went through my own hell by seeing my own pain and the way I abused my soul. I will love my soul more and let it speak and show others who I am. That will help change the world and make many wake up and be happier to love themselves.

          Some souls are sleeping more than others. I met an old friend who was very different from me. Her eyes showed how sleepy her soul was. I knew she was hit and was nervous and jittery inside. I was too, but I was happier than her. I feel less guilt weighing me down. I know who I am more. So I took a quick exit. Interacting made me feel bad about myself more because of her view of me sinking in. We can only be as healthy as the group we are in. They all know the truth, but are scared to face it so run away with silly excuses. It won't save them. We are all in a race for our souls, whether we realize it or not.

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