A Homecoming- Self Love To Stay

        As Journey of the Adopted Self says, adopted people often never feel like themselves, whereas other people have days where they "don't feel themselves." It's like we were always disconnected from a part of us because it was rejected with our mother rejecting us, so we have a dead baby inside of us, figuratively. I realized that I claimed that baby in me because I feel good about myself sometimes, but it is still less often than "not feeling myself."

       I have to keep trying to grow stronger and believe in my deserving of life. Of worth of love. I let my emotions take over, but at least I let them out. I feel connected to that part of myself and I cannot  say that is a bad thing, because I feel good about myself for the first time. I feel loving to myself despite the awful noise my emotions are making, and the dreadful fights they are causing. I love myself unconditionally, so I forgive myself. I was thinking, the one thing my mother didn't ever give to me was solid, true acceptance of my self, and I give that to my daughter because I know I love her and she will see that. Because I have an unconditional side of me that loves her fully. Even though it is not constantly shown, it never goes away. It's a homecoming, as John Bradshaw calls it.