Own The Feelings, Girl

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           I used to abhor my insecurities, thinking it meant something was wrong with me. I hid how I felt because I didn't want to scare off other people. Now that I know were those insecurities come from, my birth and adoptive parents rejecting and neglecting my emotions and shaming me for having needs, not letting my anger or sadness be allowed, so I repress them until they are inappropriate for present situations, such as when people don't listen to me, when I can't get my way, shame myself for not being perfect, etc, I let myself feel better about them. All that energy I used to expend on hiding and running away from them is able to flow, and my happiness and relief is ever-strong now. I no longer have much to hide, and I look people in the face without cringing. I let them see me, and show my good assets. My love, strength, and ability to see the good in things. This is no longer an act as much, because I used to fake that I was happy all the time and did spiritual bypassing by telling myself I had to be so I wouldn't feel shame and insecurity. No, now it's real, and I have nothing to hide from. I am Happy and I know it lol (clap your hands *clap 👏). Well, not always. Sometimes I am mad angry, and sad, and hateful. But at least I don't hide it anymore. If I am feeling those things, I am more welcoming of it and do not fake it or cover it up from myself. This was why I was happy to see my old friend today, because I know I changed a lot since she knew me and I am not "in my own world," as she used to think, and it no longer shames me to feel my feelings. They are just feelings, and not WHO I AM. What a relief, whew. CPTSD is real and needs to be more well-known so that more people can own their feelings and not be ashamed of them. 

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