Seeing How I Can Trust My Intuition

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          Since I do not own who I am due to my trauma of being adopted and fostered at birth until my adoptive parents took me, I do not trust my own intuition. This means that I feel I must behave a  certain way on the outside, and do not follow any inner system of behavior based on my heart or thoughts. I am confused and have been disjointed and numb most of my life before, too. So today, I went off to the store to shop for my baby, and then went on my way home. I was thinking that I must put her for her nap, according to babies needing their nap. I started feeling stressed because I was hungry. I was going to ignore myself, but then I thought of what I really wanted and needed. I needed to listen to my daughter and my needs. So I let walk by herself and be happy, and got myself some lunch. We were both happy.

           I love how my daughter is, she is so like me. She got fixated on the screen when I showed her some YouTube videos of children's learning songs such as the ABCs, Head and Shoulders, Old McDonald Had A Farm, and Animal Noises. She watched, and revealed her learning by pointing at a toy gray hippopotamus and saying, "mouse." It was a sweet moment because she was showing understanding of the color of the mouse to this non-mouse animal. As I put on her jacket, she said, "coat" loudly and I was enthralled. I see how she is smart and picking up on her world. I wonder what she thinks when she watches the videos, I remember when I was a kid loving cartoons and singing so I think it is positive.

        I love trusting my intuition, because as apposed to doing things because I feel they are "right" I am recognizing that for me these things are sometimes "wrong" because of the way they make me feel. I need to follow my body and listen to its' needs, too. Not only my mind. I am working on living joyfully, after so many years of repression and separation from my self.

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