Maddeline Hattuer

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I was up all night thinking about random things and did not feel ready to sleep. I experienced abandonment and feeling alone due to everyone sleeping, and night is bleak for me. I came across an adoptee blog that blew my mind, maddelinehattuer1. She was cut edge raw and not holding back, as she explained having tact does not bring revolution. The way she advocated for adoptee feelings, so invisible to the physical plane, made her courageous. I dared to feel like a colleague to her, but her blog spoke to me so instantaneously. One of the things she said was that adoptees should not be told that it is privilege to be adopted, because it minimizes their experience, and the fact it that nothing is worst than losing your entire family the minute you are born, abuse in family or not, she experienced it all. The fact that she is forever impaired from having healthy relationships of trust, and never feeling worthy. She also said her real self was buried 6 feet under, and no one knows her true self. 

She also said that the Adoptee whatever way you slice it, never belongs to either birth or adoptive family- to the bio family he is the adopted out one, and to the adoptive family he is the adopted one. She also never gets the full benefit of being part of the family, for example, even when a cousin molests her, it is said to be normal kid stuff because they are not blood related. 

I relate I relate I relate, and it validated my deep buried emotional pain.

She also said to the birth mother that she is not excused for victimhood, because she raised her children in homeless state. She would NEVER leave her kids no matter what. And the fact that the mother didn't stand up for her baby's rights makes her immoral, so not having an abortion does not deem her moral. Where are her feelings?

Also, she had a post about adoptive parents coming down to hunt her for speaking truth, saying they can't hear it because they are self centered and only care about their void, and even get angry at the adoptee who has a much worst void from having lost everything and expect the kid to fulfill them. Well, adoptees need to focus on their pain and definitely can't deal with their adoptive parent's problems. Also, haha, if they are infertile, maybe they cannot be mothers and should look into gaining self care in other ways. 

I think truth is something that has to include all people's feelings and percpective into consideration, or else it can never be "whole."  Like a picture that needs all colors in order to exist. Therefore, adoptees' pain need to be acknowledged and put up there with all the other triad members in adoption. You want to adopt, great but be aware and supportive of what it fully entails for the child. 

I love her blog it made me feel normal. Truth is non negotiable. I am also strong for leaving my families who are in the fog and get angry with me for stating adoption's down side. I now see I have a right.

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