I was put in foster care after my birth, and adopted at 3 months old. I am also Jewish and was raised Orthodox. This is my healing journey.
Ugh
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Stop the blame on others for their weaknesses it is always from childhood dysfunction and they were groomed that way. Until they wake up and are aware of how to change you can't blame them.
I had the time of my life with my toddler today. Just being present and loving every minute with her. I saw things through her eyes and enjoyed making her happy. This is true love. I know that nothing she could do would make me not like her. We went to the park, And there was a woman there with her 2 year old girl on the swing. My daughter make contact and wanted to sit near her. The woman's first red flag was that she lied to her friend on the phone, that she couldn't hear her well and wanted to go, when I started talking politely back to her about our girls. She could have just said she wanted to talk to someone there... And also, she said plurally that there were other kids here, when it was just my daughter. But I decided to be friendly, because we need human contact. She was very needy I saw by how she began totally enmeshing with my life by agreeing or disagreeing with me. I tried to stay objective. When I saw her being helicopter-like with her daughter, and her daughte...
“Be grateful for being adopted- you got a chance to live!” It’s not true living when you are not connected to the one who gave you life. You live constantly in a state of confusion and feelings of having been abandoned- as if you’re not worthy of life. That’s not life. True life is being emotionally connected and loved for who you are. Adoptees get neither. Their adoptive mothers are not connected to them, as they do not acknowledge their pain. They are not loved for who they are, because their traits are not mirrored back to them and so they have to fake being something else to be accepted. Nancy Verrier says in Coming Home to Self , “The lack of genetic markers is difficult for adoptive mothers as well as for the adoptee. Both are trying to figure out how to be together. The mother.... keeps trying to figure it out. She cannot mirror the child the way his or her biological mother could have done. The child does not feel reflected, and is constantly hypervigilant, trying to understand...
My anger and hurt at my ex in laws and ex husband was eating me up inside. I felt disgraced, and had to push back. My ego was threatened- the same way I was never allowed my feelings in childhood. I was fighting for survival, because I felt threatened. They don’t understand me and then I feel like I’m nothing if people don’t understand me. It’s triggering. They called me worthless and and bad, something I was toxically shamed to feel all my life. I’m trying to stop letting myself feel this way. To not let others get me down, over my will again and again. Maybe it’s because it was never developed at all... John Bradshaw says in Healing the Shame That Binds You that the interpersonal bridge “Trust is fostered by the fact that we can come to expect and rely on the mortality of response” between parent and child... “emotional bond is formed” which “allows the child to risk venturing out to explore the world. ... we allow ourselves to be vulnerable in that we allow ourselves to need the ...
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