Energy Affects And Comes Through

-

Scary how people do not see other's feelings and call them selfish. Or egotistical and bad. When these people are in pain and looking for a way out. Whenever we are unaccepting of another person's pain or feeling it is because we do not accept it in ourselves. Lisa Romano put a beautiful post about it on Facebook, how she saw a homeless man and wondered what he felt about himself and how others saw him. And that she felt connected to him but wondered what made him go down that path. I feel the same about my biological parents, how was I able to stay somewhat afloat while they gave up on themselves? Different circumstances....

I hope I can learn to accept many people. Today I accepted a lot in my thoughts and prayers.

I am not trying to be overly religious, I am just trying to practice loving myself and accepting the states I am in. I feel pain and it makes it hard to see others at times.

It was funny, when my mother called me today. I slowly told her bits about my life, because she was interested. I let her in on some of the beauty of my life, and she was visibly impressed and awed. She did try her people fixing at one point when I told her the first cousin on ancestry that I found does not want to help me figure out how I am related to her so that I can discover my grandfather, saying that "oh she probably does not want her peaceful life interrupted." I jut in gently, "I want to find my birth grandfather, Mom.." She quickly gathered her senses and saw my feelings, "Yes you are right I understand!" It takes effort for her to care about Me more than a stranger sometimes. Because she is so codependent and needs to fix others.

But that's okay, my world view is opening up to see her issues and not judge. Sometimes we do not realize how much our tones and thoughts get through to others.

That is why we need to be sensitive to truly SEE the other person and understand them. They CAN feel when we do not, it comes through in body language and energy....wow.

I don't let myself fall to her seeming uncaring about me. I know her issues, therefore I can move past it. I have held my pain and dealt with it before she called so I was not caught up in frenzy.

Actually, Who knows maybe it did hurt me more. Sometimes pain surprises me with the ptsd and a lifetime of pretending it was not there. Got to protect my broken heart.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Limbic Brain Flashbacks From Trauma

-
There is nothing without love. Life starts within the mother’s womb, where she and her child are one. She is all he knows, and he needs her to develop his emotional brain, until he can become an autonomous self. Therefore, why are the role of women so inferior in society? They basically make up a human’s development of skills, true self-worth (that they are loved by another person), and growth potential.  Nancy Verrier says in Coming Home to Self that the experiences we have during the first three years of life “play a big part in our overall attitudes and beliefs” (Page 382). Personally I felt beaten down a lot, in my emotional body and ability to use my strengths of giving love. I feel like a shadow of a person, in this world, my skills and worth invisible to myself and to everyone else. This has to do with my suffering from the primal wound of being relinquished from my biological mother, and then adopted when I was a few months old. Verrier states, “Severing of the bond with th
Read more

Daughter and Projection of Anxiety

-
My daughter was anxious as me when we got back. I wanted to write a whole letter to my Rabbi about the community ignorance of emotions, and she was not falling asleep. I was kind of on edge and finished it. Then she ran around the house and I made myself some food even though I snacked earlier. She started squishing the cherry tomatos, and I recognized that it was from her frustrated emotions so I said to her, "You're angry right?" And she delighted and repeated the word and squeezed some more on them with her fingers. I winced inside a bit from the waste, and tried to focus. It was good that I was trying to validate her a bit, unlike how I was never validated at all for my grief as a baby. But it was hard because I was stressed. Needed time to myself and yet she needed my attention... And I felt a spiral coming. I desperately tried to hold on to myself and her. My mind was telling me that she was needy and that I was doing a bad job. But my heart was screaming for focus
Read more

Who Are Adopted Children Really

-
          Is it any wonder that the adopted child feels so unreal. Journey of The Adopted Self by Betty Jean Lifton inspired me to think about this. Reading the first few chapters and so excited with it. It speaks to my soul and resonates, being truth to me. She said that no one romanticizes mothers more than adoptees. As a blind person who tries to imagine how the sun looks upon a flower, the adopted child never experienced their mother, so there is plenty to imagine in their minds what it means. True, and why I have a hard time understanding the concept of true belonging.        As my older also adopted sister told me, why am I sad about adoption? I should just be happy and apply the knowledge that it was for my good, and a wonderful thing that I was adopted because   she my birth mother could not take care of me properly for her life. She expected me to just not feel sad about that and deny all the pain and feelings of non-belonging and yearning for a place in the world all of
Read more