The Continuum Concept in Practice: Letting People Be

I think my toddler daughter is adorable. I don't have to tell her what to do or not to, she is a person and gets shamed when I act like she's lower than me. I fall into that mode sometimes. In The Continuum Concept, she writes that the women did not yell at their children and make them feel inferior, they just trusted them to listen and they did, called "innate sociability."

Today, we went shopping and she held our hands the whole way, wanting to walk. Got upset when I had to pick her up because of the snow and her boot falling off. Then, in the store, I had in mind the Continuum Concept and did not watch over her in order to allow her instincts to grow. She stood in the cart and was happy to help. I went about getting the items, without babying her and cooing to her in a childish voice. She actually started helping put the stuff on the checkout counter when it was our turn, and I tried to hold in my shock and pleasure so it would not turn her off and make her feel "strange." It was helpful. I see how she gets nervous when I try to cushion her by making big deals when she falls, like saying oops when she falls. She imitates me and seems disturbed. Also, when I get upset and yell when she accidentally hurts me, she repeats her action and laughs nervously and repeats my words such as "Ouch!" Louder. 

I saw that I felt calmer when I did things this way, too. It felt more natural and I wondered why we feel the need to over-talk to our babies. Perhaps it is subconscious inferiority feelings we attribute to them. I also was more real at home, when I usually act overly chipper because I try to hide my feelings of desperation and sadness.

Also, my husband got upset when he dropped a wine bottle and started freaking out. I saw how I was threatened and jumped to say, it's alright G-d made it happen. I realized how cruel this way because I was not letting his emotions be. As Teal Swan says, spiritual gurus often preach about going above your emotions that we feel it is wrong to HAVE them. I am guilty of doing this soo much in the past, to close ones who had emotional breakdowns in front of me. I could not handle their feelings! It was because I feel threatened based on my childhood, when any shoe dropped.... The heads rolled as they say. So I was used to retreating in fear, and that little girl in me was guiding me in later similar instances.

So I held my breathe and sat by him. I took in his expression and shaking with frustration. I could not believe he would get so mad over ten dollars, but I listened and tried to learn. It had nothing to do with me. I thought about how Teal Swan said we need to let our emotions all exist with love. And I held his pain and anger. It was easy because I did not feel blocked. I trusted myself to listen. He yelled and yelled about how life was so hard and all the people on the road... He went into details of things that bugged him. He said he tries so hard to make money and it gets lost. I listened. I said he seemed really angry. He said he hated when I said it was from G-d,  because he did not want it. I understood and apologized.

Later on, I saw how happy it made me to hold my emotions and not get lost by others tantrums. Interestingly, my brother called after 2 weeks of not talking and I was weary but happy that he reached out.

My husband calmed down and said he felt those things all the time but didn't voice them usually. I said I know, that is where my own stress came from cause I sensed it.