Seeing How We Don't Follow The Continuum

I had a terrifying dream that probably reflects my feelings of life in some aspect. I was inspired nonetheless. It was about people dying, in a huge fire and I was running with throngs of Jews. I felt a sense of unity, but also non-belonging. A bittersweet feeling like is the backdrop to my life. Also, I was with a unaware childhood friend, she and her family being below-the-veil-of-conscious, and I felt so bad when we found out that her mother had died. I realized from that that I am truly affected when other people get hurt, and it's not just something I have to "show." It is real. I was mourning about my parents disappearing as well, in the dream, my adoptive ones.

I woke up with a start, as usual when weird dreams happen, and tried to rearrange the puzzle pieces of my life to understand what the hell. I picked up the The Continuum Concept and read that the logic/brain tries to scramble ideas together and is always under stress, but when we allow our hearts to be free in "childlike" wonder, we can be happy. And that is how the Yequana people live. They allow their continuum to rule, and therefore there is no stress inside from things happening the wrong way- such as how in civilized society, there are no helpers in each home and mothers often live as begrudged housewives, isolated with their children and forced to constrict their brains to the mental age of their child to be with them all day. Children need to be able to be trusted in order to develop their innate natures of curiosity and self-teaching. The best way for children to learn is when they are using their own skills, so they learn by imitation and seeing the grownups doing their job. In the villages, women would work in groups and toddlers would learn to lean on their own mental abilities, and strengthen their innate tendencies following children their age and slightly older to learn from in role modeling fashion. They also live with all generations under one roof with no problems, which would never work out in our society with everyone trying to get their unmet-infantile needs met through each other. Our continuums are all messed up, and society causes us to not work with our full potentials. Living in huge cities where no one is capable of forming community life because the population is above the capacity for close relationships. But the continuum also means that we follow our society rules, so as to belong, so that is also to our detriment here. All on pages 134-141.

So I became aware of the true needs that I am repressing inside, due to society's norms. The need for community and belonging to a group of other women, and my child's needs for others in her age group. She is confused about her role, and I go on babying her because I do not have the tools to let her be herself. I constrict my mind in order to be around her all day, instead of living my life fully. This is not right, and I sense something off because my inner needs for "autonomy" and "self-actualization" are stunted in having to "take care" of my child as if she was incapable of doing so herself. This prevents her own continuum from being met because by imposing on her independence, she will feel restricted and unable to be productive. I realized how much my living state is stunting my happiness, but I continue to do so because of my unconscious need for belonging. I was brought up thinking I had to do what they said in order to live, but now that I know it is not mandated, and I can live without their approval, I am free. I realize why I am unhappy and can make changes. So I started today by letting my toddler off on her own, and doing the tasks I wanted. I noticed that she does imitate, and gets furious when I take something away that she would make a mess out of... So I have to learn how to give her things that she can do so as not to stunt her process of developing confidence in her abilities. I love to see her grow, such as when she takes my phone and holds it because she sees me with it so knows it is important. She loves to dance and whenever there is music she starts to twirl around, showing her spirit. She shows her tension at not following her continuum by saying words like "mix it," "cereal," and "come out" out of nowhere and I have seen a lot of nervous grownups laugh when children do this, but they don't see that it is out of frustration and stress. I try not to react in my trained way, like saying "good job! You know what you want." I try to show that I see she is tense, and change the circumstances like by making her feel empowered. Today, we went out and she enjoyed the view and seeing other people. She stares at them, and I feel good knowing she is interested in getting to known people and is not insecure.