Acting Like a Mother?

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I got into a raging fight with my husband today, because we did not want to see each other's sides. I took my 19 month old girl and left the house because I was so angry. I could not think straight over his screaming. He claimed I was being unyielding in my accusation of him, and I felt totally crazy because he denied what I said to be real. I had told him he was acting unaware of his surroundings and making me feel embarrassed, and he claimed he had reason to.... I felt indignant that he was not what I signed up for in marriage and we were too different...

Anyway, when we came back and I still felt angry so we screamed more,  my daughter at one point started running and screaming loudly in fright, even shutting herself in rooms screaming as she does to be "rescued." We both felt scared about it, but did not stop. I finally sat in stony silence and found it in me to listen to him. He felt very indignant of my insensitivity. I wondered if I was really the narcissist he married to be put into the place his parents did, as he was used to. But he claims differently. I like to tell myself that I do love him unconditionally most times. It's hard for me to see people for all their qualities sometimes, because of my own self image. I tend to idealize myself or undervalue. For example, I think I am the most loving and caring mother, but then when I ignore or don't focus well on my baby, I start going down the rabbit hole feeling awful about it. It is unrealistic.

But I am scared she is traumatized. I gave her extra love after, naturally, and all three of us played silly games of throwing each other up and hiding... She loves being made to feel in charge. My main wish is that she feels loved by us no matter what. I heard Mark Smith of Family Tree Brand Counseling describe his mother in "chair work" today, saying that she was either extremely happy - laughing to hide depression, or having tantrums and acting like a two year old. She was a monster and made all her kids become addicted to food like her, and trying to control their lives... And he always wanted her to act like an adult, which she NEVER did. I heard this and was scared of that of myself. I know I tend towards acting childish a lot, having a hard time with my triggers and neediness, but I hope that I am able to act more adult like than not for my kid.

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