Inverted Narcissist and Recovery

I read an article by Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self Love Narcissism Revisited and self proclaimed narcissist, about inverted narcissists and classic narcissists. I also read about his beginning of learning about his narcissism. I was trying to understand where it originates, after feeling scared that my daughter was one and I was reinforcing it.

I discovered that I definitely used to be a inverted narcissist, before I had done some healing work after I decided I wanted to change. I used to, like the article said, be obsessed with other's opinion of me and constantly comparing myself to others. Judging myself and never having rest with who I am. I read that who we are is when we are stripped of all expectations and false self coverups, and I am getting to appreciate myself despite my awkward and childish tendencies. I love how the interviewee inverted narcissist in the article said that You should NOT be ashamed of yourself!!! That will never help. You are who you are. It is better tp be this way than never having regrets for what you do wrong, like the "true" narcissist.

I see how far I have come. Now I need to constantly work on implementing my new self-views. Not to get swallowed alive by the outside world. Inverted narcissists tend to hate their weakness and self doubt and project it outward but Know they have it too, a very harsh trait. Most of them are women, too.

I am glad I do not project it outward as often, now. I no longer fear so much how others see me, because I accept myself. I sometimes catch myself yelling inside at others Stop judging me, only to realize it is from my own judgement. At least I let my daughter be, and do not make her feel devalued for not acting how I deem "good." Those kind of people are inbreeding for raising narcissistic children. My own parents did that to me hence the way I used to be. Only feeling valued and good when I was DOING everything right and catering to them. Feeling worthless when I was "bad," such as dressing "provocative"  or speaking angrily or being lazy or being too sensitive and in "my own world." They NEVER seeked to actually understand me and listen. That was why I was "programmed" for a love like that. Or "mapped" that way. It is the only love I knew. But I have to be conscious.