Seeing How I am Okay

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Feelings are normal to have, we just have to admit to them and then we can move on. Only by knowing them can we change the situation. I realized this today with how my friend was very accepting and didn't say anything about what I said. I realized I'm so used to the shoe dropping, and my feelings being made fun of. Or how I act. I used to live in a prison of dread of who I was. Now that I let myself act like myself, I am surprised by how other people accept me too. I find myself scrambling for words sometimes and people pleasing, but it is only because of my brain's programming.

It is refreshing to note that feelings of pain and acting awkward is okay and accepted by some people. It is no longer a far off hope to be happy, and I see that it is possible to be accepted. Even when one is angry or upset. Even religious speakers say it is normal to have anger, just not to act on it. So I was taught you weren't ALLOWED to ever feel angry, because it annoyed people or was not fit for the script, and it made me hate my feelings and deny them.

I no longer feel the need to repress myself for other's sake. I feel bad for my in laws and family who do think that is normal. I feel like I am a regular person and don't idealize myself or degrade myself. And it feels wonderful.

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