Feeling my world

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I guess I am just trying to figure out my life now that I met and feel love from my birth parents. As I read in Journey of The Adopted Self by B.J. Lifton page 253-254, the adoptee often wants to find his birth parents and show them off to everyone to kind of bring all his people together and make it real- the Ghost Kingdom side of the unknown genetic family, and the adoptive family. With witnesses, he can finally feel it is all true. I feel the same way. I want to know my birth parents and feel a sense of mystery is being uncovered, and I can finally relax without the taboo of adoption. It is just weird how I feel towards them, like we can be together forever and love each other. I know there are issues on their sides, like the book talks about birth parents who were adopted also think that the adoptee will give them the unconditional love they need. But I guess they can sense that I can't fully, that I am needy myself, and so it is pretty equal.

I also feel, as describes in the book, like my world is slipping out under me and everything I thought was true wasn't. Such as that my adoptive family was my only family. I never knew how much I needed to meet my birth parents to feel this unconditional love. But it is scary because I don't know who I am in a way now. I will have to build myself over now. From receiving my true identity for the first time. The fact that I am loved, and don't need to do anything to prove that.

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