My Daughter's Hurt Does Not Mean I Don't Love Her

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So today my daughter was in pain emotional because of how I treated her when she woke up- kinda all happy but then went on my phone and she was fully up and then felt ignored. I think it was also accumulation of everything... Felt so guilty for lugging her on my back carrier and walking to and from the bank to check my wifi and then going to a store to find it closed so walking back and sitting on a bench eating some trail mix and on instagram... While she was tired and bored. I felt like an awful mother. It seeped into my brain and I had to run from it so I spent time eating a nutritious delicious lunch and plenty of coffee and spoke to 2 people and moped a bit, all while she ran around the house. I felt my false cheeriness from the morning too sugary so I ignored her and focused on myself. I kept telling myself it was okay to be alone and she would be confident. But I saw how hurt she was and then she came slowly and sat down and nibbled on some food and spilled mu coffee on herself I think to geta reaction from me. I groaned and told her how much it upset me. I felt real though.

I felt better and later than it should have been I started to take her to nap. I did some laundry and dumped in on my bed to fold, and she said go sleep go sleep. I put her in my carrier and she, bleary half closed eyes, started to nurse. I decided to sing to her to comfort her. I did and I knew she must have enjoyed the soft loving songs. I wished I could let go of the guilt to feel it too. Then the hosts came home and I embarrassedly stopped singing. She looked up, and I took her and had her cry to get her feeling out. She yelped like I was cruel, and I felt it but I knew it was my guilt and I was the one who preached about pain being okay to feel...  So I let it be. I watched her and remembered how just listening was enough, and as long as I could acknowledge her pain and not feel like it was my fault it was helpful. I thought of how I really did love her, and my ADD behaviors made it seem like I didn't so she was hurt. I let myself go and apologized and explained why I did it and that I did love her. It felt sincere, and my love for her came back. It went on for about ten minutes, her crying like a wrangled cat, and then she latched on and went to sleep. It felt good.

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