Childhood is About Building Self Love Abundance

I was seeing that kids need to be made to feel normal, not above or below who they are. That is why we need to treat kids according to their age and ability. It seems so simple and easy to do. But it is hard when we have our own inferior projections. What happens when we shame or hurt our kid by not honoring their intelligence, is that they become wounded. They begin to have to create a false sense of grandiosity to survive psychologically. And this is where narcissism develops. They will continue throughout their lives in this stage, trying to survive and meet their unmet needs.

That is until they wake up from what went wrong. Ross Rosenberg said in
What is Self Love Abundance... That when people are codependent, they have amnesia from their trauma in childhood that their brain tells them they cannot face, and what's left in the emotional flashbacks. In therapy, they should explore these flashbacks and slowly gain back the memories of what happened. This can heal them. I have been doing that slowly by concentrating on my flashbacks and seeing how they are from what I went through earlier. It is healing and making me less self critical and shaming. I learn to love myself and feel free.

When grownups do not understand their neediness, they cannot be good to their children because they will unconsciously not be able to see the good in the child. It goes back to how they see themselves. Therefore, when they say, This child is bad, it is not so because they do not understand how to meet the child's needs. And shame the child for it.

I saw this with my daughter sadly. I was not in the mood for dealing with her activity, because I was in the middle of something I desperately wanted. So I pushed her off my lap, and said not now. She triggered me by her neediness, because I was feeling needy too, so I was too rough and she stumbled away. On her face was the saddest look and she whimpered brokenly. I hugged her and apologized, but still felt annoyed. This went on for a bit, especially after my husband came home and triggered me as well. With his questioning of why I was in a mood. My body flashed back to my mother's neediness of me, and I felt stifled that I couldn't even talk. This happens quite a lot. I feel mute with pain and like my words are not sufficient for my feelings. Perhaps it is reminiscent of my baby years of being neglected emotionally and psychologically.

But anyway, I found a way to calm down eventually and I saw how she automatically went into a trance the whole time. As if reality was too harsh. It is because she was shamed to her core when I yelled at her, making her feel ugly and worthless. I apologized, but I don't think it's enough. My own projection of unworthiness gets in the way though. When I told her, "Mommy was ANGRY right?" She yelled it and seemed to relish it, holding her throat as usual when she says anger. I hope I can get her to come back to herself and not feel so hurt anymore.

This is the point of childhood, I see. Not to get scathed, and to build a healthy, normal sense of self foundation. So we have self trust and healthy self esteem. Hm. It is scary to think that I can make her distort her self image by either over-idealizing her, or neglecting her. This is what happens to narcissists... (They were treated as dolls...) And we can only to this if we heal ourselves, seeing what made us as we are and therefore understand how to be compassionate to our children through all their emotions.