Death Sudden

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My grandfather died. I don't know what to do. I am tired and shocked. My mother didn't cry. I am sad. I cried. I miss having him. I feel bad for my bad thoughts of resentment. I feel guilt for not being good for him. But it is not in my hands to have fixed people. We are all responsible for ourselves.

I cried surprisingly. I guess I did feel close to him. What is life? Just another lifetime till death. Can we live with purpose? I feel drained. I need sleep. Poor daughter witnessing my reaction.

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