Maybe I can Validate Myself.

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I'm tailspinning. I am losing myself. I need to calm down. Can it be that I really did have a hard family life with the adoptive family? Am I allowed to have a hard time developing a healthy family of my own? Is that where my anger issues and problems doing work come from? Do I overwork myself with writing this thing because I am a perfectionist and it is actually self abuse? Because sometimes I do not let myself breathe and process my emotions. And instead run from them until I dramatize the whole situation.

Anne Heffron talked about how adoptees can become enveloped in each little emotion that comes their way because they are soo sensitive to everything. All because of their abandonment from their real mother as a baby. It's not fear that that is not credited enough. That I have to not believe my own trauma feelings. And my cousin even said to me that she can't imagine the feeling I have as an adoptee. Meaning that it is too gruesome to even imagine. So maybe I am NOT being a drama queen and I DID GO through a lot. And I do not deserve to be treated like trash by my adoptive family. Even though i didn't talk to some of them for a year.

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