Mothers Need To Be Happy Internally For Their Children to Be Happy

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When mothers are not happy themselves they can't make their children happy. They Feel shame and project it onto their kids. Like my mother projected onto me that I wouldn't be able to handle adoption issues as a kid. Because she couldn't imagine it. But as I told her, that is denying reality. The reality that I was adopted and not happy in the first place.

The funny thing was, when I told her I am happier than she is, she nodded and agreed. I said isn't that weird because I am supposedly the worst off one because of being adopted. (Like she thought- a child cannot handle that thought.) She thought for a second and said, well I don't think you're happier... You seem down all the time.. I answered- No, I am happier. Because I face my truth. She nodded like a child.

I think she is a sociopath because she is in such denial. Of her issues. She kept twisting it around and saying she was happy and perfect. That she wasn't perfect. That she can't help how she acted. That she didn't get a divorce because of us kids. But then switched her story and said it was because she did not want to get tangled in fight for the divorce. Because my father would have refused to give her the "get" which is what a Jewish married couple needs to be divorced according to law. And without it a woman cannot remarry. She is full of excuses, but as I told her, she did not have self love and was self sacrificing because she was in pain in that marriage. Deep down. She keeps giving excuses for her behavior and can be open to her siblings being messed up but her never. And that is why I am a mess. Because she made me carry her baggage through beating me and not trying to understand or bond with me.

The thought of being able to bond emotionally with my mother is a joke. Lol. It is an attempt pathetically that will just never happen. At least not now. Not until she can be more emotionally mature and ready to see her fault. Until then she sucks the life out of me, because of what she gets out of me- my emotional openness and assured confidence. It is a breathe of fresh air. But I can't handle her. She is in denial of ever feeling repressed pain of her childhood and claims she forgave her parents with love in her heart. Aaaargh.

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