Accepting My Traits

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I find joy in having my way. In doing little things for myself. So what if it's extra? I need to uplift myself... A little something to cheer my mood. I feel: selfish, spoiled, immoral, self-shame, and self-loathing for it. I fight with myself so much that it leaves me feeling like a shmatta. For lack of a better word.

But I realized that it is wrong of me to deny who I am. I am a Taurus. I always Hated Taurus because it made me feel materialistic, dry and greedy. Worst of all: like a pig. Because I really really desire having a beautiful house and exotic foods. I never admitted this to anyone. I listened to a YouTube video talking about Taurus last night, in exasperation of my tendencies that leave me feeling wrung out. The ones that make me desire to enjoy the pleasures of this world over enlightenment and intellectual pursuits. And I slowly began to accept it. My nature. How the woman said, Taurus like their materialism and to show it. Okay I thought. But the good thing is they are also very loyal and grounded. I liked that she said she admires it. It is me.

And my daughter: Virgo. They are very fussy and particular. It opened my eyes. To how my daughter leans to that. She loves saying, Put it here, and Hang it up.. And she enjoys earthy pursuits like singing and dancing. Feeling vibes in the air. She freaks when something is different. She is very chaotic inside. I felt a new sense of sympathy for her. She became her own person to me. Wow what a blessing to have a whole child. She also admires and wants my warmth for her as a Taurus. We hug many times every day, and I constantly laugh with her. I am happy to be myself, and not just an Adoptee with messy emotions.

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