Staying Present In Storming Emotions and not Addicted

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Addictions prevent us from seeing the good in our lives. We are busy trying to fill but are not focused on the present. My daughter teaches me how to live in the present because it is what she knows best. Like when she repeats my words, knowing when to say them- in the car now, she is as saying, "Let's park," and repeating words from earlier like, "Want some cashew milk?" She makes me laugh. Today she brought me a bag of flour that we were unpacking, on her own, and said, "This is heavy." She picks things up. She also learns when not to show her true feelings, like today when we got up early to attend a bris for my cousin's new baby, and she just shot out of her sleep like she knew we were going. She senses my moods. She was quiet the whole time there, and watched my mother trying to coo at her and took the toy brush that she gave her.

I was surprised that my mother gave me money to help us out, after that blowup that I had with her before we moved. She has been receptive to me and apologized, that is, only after I told her that it mattered to me. She said, "Not now, I am being a host to my sister..." I said no, firmly, and that we had to talk about it now. Because I am her daughter, and she is supposed to and claims to care about me first. She listened and stopped. She said, what can I tell you? You keep wanting to bring this up... I said, all I want is acknowledgement and sorry. She said, for something I did when you were a baby? And was annoyed when I mentioned that she had hurt me all my life. She was ready to walk away, but then I told her I was her most important so all I needed was an apology and she did say sorry. This way I felt better and also felt better taking her money.

So here I am, trying to stay conscious and in my emotions. Not only trying to get things my way. I realize I have so much in life to enjoy and focus on, that is priceless. My family. Staying in my emotions- which of itself brings me joy because it is such a struggle. Like last night, in the desperation and boredom of being with my husband and our moods swallowing us whole,  because I can't be up when he is down as I am not so strong on my own, I lay on the floor crying. My daughter lay with me and tried to soothe her doll when I couldn't be soothed. We survived. I was even happy beyond words the next morning.

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