Developing Talents For a Passion

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I discovered a talent in me that has not really sprung forth. I had taken voice lessons for a while, by a professional opera style italian trained teacher because I believe in authenticity in methods of doing things. Anyway she had said that I had potential, and after going for three years on and off I still did not have the confidence and progress to sing. I left it after I had my baby, and she was disappointed because I was one of her most consistent clients as she usually teaches dance and theater. So anyway, I gave up on it.. Until today.

On the way back from the mountains, which was very peaceful besides when we went to visit one of his aunts that lost her husband 5 years ago and she was kind of depressive. I was in the car and decided to sing a song I got into. I practiced a bit like the teacher had shown me, and was surprised at my voice when I started to sing. It was deep, steady and passionate. I continued but then started to break a bit so I stopped. I did more practice and tried again. The vmyselfyme back, and I was struck by how it felt like it was coming from nowhere and made me feel powerful. I sang like my heart was soaring, and my husband was impressed. My daughter also looked shocked but busy her self playing happily. I felt in heaven and at peace. I realized that maybe this was a G-d given talent that was my calling. I told my husband about it, and he told me he always knew I had a good voice and had told me... But that he was not sure of how professional I can get. I was deflated. I told him it was discouraging, and he said he didn't mean it that way. I told him it sounded so, and like he didn't believe in me... He said it was a technicality. I was hurt and triggered. But I told him it was his fault that he didn't believe in himself. He got defensive. I was lying to myself and I really needed encouragement. I told him I needed it. That it was not right to respond that way when he sees I am excited about something. He made excuses, but it still hurt. He told me he guessed he was unsure about things working out in general. I said "do not put your insecurity on me..." And how would our kids feel if you treated them like that...

I guess I went overboard. But it did hurt me and mean a lot to me that I had a talent and he was uncertain about how far I could go with it.

This is what I always say about how to validate your kids. You encourage their abilities and talents. Now I see first hand how important it is to encourage. I am terrified of losing this happiness and love that I have when I sing. It is a passion of mine that I haven't used for over 2 years. It feels scarier to not develop it than to not.

I was proud of myself for eating healthy even though nobody else did around me. All the stores where packed with unhealthy stuff and I chose a plain sushi and fruit and nuts. It made my mind clearer.

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