Leaving a Friendship For the Better

I did it and told the friend who has been texting me the past weeks to meet up, and I hung out with a few times, that it was not mutual on my part. It was awkward and hard, but felt liberating. I did not have to take a relationship that did not feel good to me. It was mediocre at best, and now I don't need to waste time thinking she'd understand me.

I told her Adoptees were different, we need to be understood. Our own kind usually. She said she also did not have an easy life, while fishing for an answer of why she did not accept it when I mentioned my adoption trauma and reunion stuff a few months back. She said she wasn't sure what I wanted to hear. It reminded me of my mother, and I said just acceptance. Since she had just said that I had to see G-d's plan in it it made me feel dismissed and shut down. She was very quiet. I then saw how we were miles apart. I told her it was okay and nothing personal, but I could not afford to waste my time hanging out with people who did not get me and vice versa.

I felt like it spared us a lot of pain and resentment down the line, because she seemed so invested in it and excited about me. And I felt at odds. I told her I did not want it to become a resentful relationship when we see that we cannot give one another what we need.

We said goodbye lightly and walked away after. I have lingering guilt and pain over losing another potential friend, but I cannot change or fix people. I also got triggered by how she was embarrassed and shushed her son, and how he looked so scared and angry a lot. How she seemed to think her son had to mold himself to fit how she needed him.