Seeing the Difference in Our Past Life

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It was a trip yesterday to see our old apartment and take out some (a lot) of stuff that I left there. We travelled an hour and some to get there, and planned to enjoy the rest of the day after by visiting a restaurant we like.. We are always very up in the air about planning, being two adult children with ADD undiagnosed. It was clean in there as the cleaning lady had done a thorough job, and it was weird to see my daughter running down the old driveway and stopping hesitantly before going in. It was a relieving feeling to be out of there, and very reminiscent of my past... Leaving an old life with bittersweet feelings. But we definitely do not want to go back there. I was shocked that I left so much, such as fancy huge tray (which my husband bought me for our engagement ironically), that I had no place for, and an old picture frame of our picture- perfect wedding photo of us smiling nervously and codependently side by side feeling unreal. As we carried out our stuff and threw out moldy garbage bins, it felt very surreal.

We went to a pizza store and I thought I was ordering a salad with fish, but the "platter" turned out to be a gigantic pile of fries. I barely ate it. Daughter ate away as she does in busy restaurants. My husband got mad when I wanted to get ice cream to visit my father in his nursing home with, and he stormed. I got peeved, but told him finally that his mood would not affect me and I know he was angry with me but I was still happy. I needed a boundary. He finally caved and said he hated when I took so much time it made him feel unconsidered by me. I apologized and told him this was important to me. I had to do this for my conscious. Visit my baby-age level mentally father. It turned out well as I did my job and acted like the grownup and he cheered up by seeing a happy family. Even my husband was uplifted emotionally. We had a pleasant trip and the way back was exhausting, but not as stress full as we usually got.

Daughter screamed for hours after she fell asleep and awoke too soon, and I thought that maybe she was being more expressive about her true painful feelings. It was hard to ignore my tiredness but I listened. She is something else- very verbal and demanding. Not in a bad way. She is silly too, and makes me laugh with her naming everything when we finally wakes up for real this morning.

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