Support - A True Friend Sees Your Best Self

So I did it. I called an adoptee YouTube person out there, someone I developed a connection with through our shared view on adoption, and poured out my heart. He was very receptive, and no fronts, almost, were there. I was able to reach out and get my help. I felt dignity and self respect. He walked me through my experience, and we spoke about adoptee issues and how we tend to over idealize people and spiral when they do not meet our expectations. We read into people very acutely, picking up vibes from their very tones and body language about who they are. He asked me if I trust my intuition, and I said yes. I know this guy had issues and was not as he said he was. He was not only out for our best interest, and had a personal agenda to make money off us so when we could not pay up easily enough he dropped us like a hot potato figuratively. Even though he pretended to be nice and care. I took it personally because I am so fragile and tended to jump onto people because of how I was always trying to get my adoptive mother to see me and validate me growing up. So I am sensitive to hurts more than others.

Especially non-adoptees. They just do not understand the kind of desperation and pain that we adoptees go through, and how we can sense the smallest of nuances about others. We are advanced souls, as he said, having "chosen" this for life. Being cut off from our roots and having to survive psychologically like that. We can get through it. We both agreed that the average joe on the street seems to have such small problems that we cannot relate to and it frustrates us so. How most everyone represses their feelings of depression with melancholy and addictions, not being able to feel their pain. The narcissistic people are the worst, because they put it on you. He said he's been there with being attracted to narcissists too, because they seem to have the confidence and can "protect" you, as we both understand the same pain, but they are dangerous because they turn on you and make you think you're crazy.

I felt our words sinking in and settling onto one another. I carefully monitored my mood and triggers so as not to lose myself in wanting validation and being desperate. Slowly I began to feel real and he was a real friend. Not judging me and genuinely caring. It felt freeing and beautiful. I tried to stay in my emotions and not lecture him at all. This way it was not draining.

We are both borderline personality leaning so we get one another. He woke up a few years ago from the adoption fog and started to see his life for what it was, and started to fins meaning. I did too, and we started seeing how no adoptive family was truly on our side and we had to find our way alone. It is important to have adoptees in our lives, to understand us we agreed. We both are strong for being independent and that was important for me to hear.

I enjoyed our talk mainly because it was a good mirroring of the true me. This is what a good friend looks like. When they reflect back to you the closest you you are. And make you feel good about yourself and encouraged to move forward.