Toxic Shame Keeps us from Opening up

Interesting how Lisa Romano says in video Family Dysfunction and Toxic Shame, that people who grow up in dysfunctional families experience toxic shame for things they do wrong that is not as bad as they make it, and it comes from their inner core shame. They freeze up and their brain triggers red. I experience it every day when I am not perfectly patient for my daughter and I begin to feel bad about myself. I feel despicable and want to escape, so I eat.

It is not reality though. We may not have control over situations that go wrong, like how I did not hear the bell ring when the super came to fix our house and so they had to call me to ask if I was home, and I felt awful about myself. I think if it had been someone else, I would not have thought they were bad for it. She says this toxic shame keeps people from admitting their problems, because of the fear of exposure. That is what keeps adoptees from admitting their feelings of pain, because it was not accepted when they were growing up, so they learned that they were crazy for having them. Lisa spoke about adoptees and foster children having these issues. I am so glad.